Sunday, May 15, 2005
Life is not so beautiful
Had been to the hospital to see a relative of mine who had been admitted there only a few days ago. She is suspected of having cancer. One can only optimistically hope that her condition remains in 'suspected cancer' state and is not eventually confirmed as cancer in the further tests, however the possibility of something like that happening seems to be remote.
When you visit someone who is in a state such as this, the big question is what do you say when you meet them? What do you talk about? To begin the conversation with a typical 'How are you?' would make no sense. Obviously, all is not well, that's why the person has been admitted to the hospital in the first place. Divert attention by talking about something general? That would seem phony and farce, don't know why but I get a feeling that you trying to cheat the person by talking about something inconsequential when there is a more, much more serious situation at hand. Anyways, the problem of how to initiate the conversation was solved, she greeted me and enquired about my work, How I was finding my workplace, How my sister was doing and the usual stuff. In normal circumstances such a conversation would have hogged up sometime, complete with some useless PJ's and stories from my side. But no this conversation was over in less than 5 mins, I seemed to be suffering from a mental block, I really didn't speak much because I felt that such conversation was meaningless in this situation. Thankfully, my dad was there, he did most of the talking while I just sat around in the corner watching TV. To be frank the TV was on and I was just sitting there in front of it, but my mind was elsewhere, lost to be precise.
Females handle these situations better, they really do, I am sure my sis would have know what to say and how to say it, but me, I just sat quietly in the corner. Its not that I am emotionally cold or indifferent but in situations such as these I just don't know how to articulate my thoughts and put it across in an appropriate way. My behavior seems to default to the rule 'I say best, when I say nothing at all' in these situations. Its so much easier when you have to make conversation on an happy occasion, even with an unknown person, but on sad moments such as this, I am tongue tied, trying to maintain a dignified silence, at best. It really does feel miserable.
When you visit someone who is in a state such as this, the big question is what do you say when you meet them? What do you talk about? To begin the conversation with a typical 'How are you?' would make no sense. Obviously, all is not well, that's why the person has been admitted to the hospital in the first place. Divert attention by talking about something general? That would seem phony and farce, don't know why but I get a feeling that you trying to cheat the person by talking about something inconsequential when there is a more, much more serious situation at hand. Anyways, the problem of how to initiate the conversation was solved, she greeted me and enquired about my work, How I was finding my workplace, How my sister was doing and the usual stuff. In normal circumstances such a conversation would have hogged up sometime, complete with some useless PJ's and stories from my side. But no this conversation was over in less than 5 mins, I seemed to be suffering from a mental block, I really didn't speak much because I felt that such conversation was meaningless in this situation. Thankfully, my dad was there, he did most of the talking while I just sat around in the corner watching TV. To be frank the TV was on and I was just sitting there in front of it, but my mind was elsewhere, lost to be precise.
Females handle these situations better, they really do, I am sure my sis would have know what to say and how to say it, but me, I just sat quietly in the corner. Its not that I am emotionally cold or indifferent but in situations such as these I just don't know how to articulate my thoughts and put it across in an appropriate way. My behavior seems to default to the rule 'I say best, when I say nothing at all' in these situations. Its so much easier when you have to make conversation on an happy occasion, even with an unknown person, but on sad moments such as this, I am tongue tied, trying to maintain a dignified silence, at best. It really does feel miserable.
# posted by Akshai @ 10:45 AM 
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Akshai
I'm sorry to hear of your relative's 'suspect cancer' condition... I do not wish to re-invoke feelings or thoughts which are naturally difficult to deal with as they pose innumerable questions.. I wish only to say this: My aunt was diagnosed with cancer a couple of years back and while that came as a huge shock to my family and I, we immediately got to work in trying to enlist the best affordable treatment for her (in India itself) and after a 6-8 months' intensive treatment period, she was cancer-free. Today, she lives her life as any normal person would and she retains little memory of her 'cancerous'pains.
There is always hope. And when you have nothing to say or give, the one thing which you DO have to offer - is HOPE.
I hope things turn out well for your family.
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I'm sorry to hear of your relative's 'suspect cancer' condition... I do not wish to re-invoke feelings or thoughts which are naturally difficult to deal with as they pose innumerable questions.. I wish only to say this: My aunt was diagnosed with cancer a couple of years back and while that came as a huge shock to my family and I, we immediately got to work in trying to enlist the best affordable treatment for her (in India itself) and after a 6-8 months' intensive treatment period, she was cancer-free. Today, she lives her life as any normal person would and she retains little memory of her 'cancerous'pains.
There is always hope. And when you have nothing to say or give, the one thing which you DO have to offer - is HOPE.
I hope things turn out well for your family.
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