'Aki'lles

Arsene on the Stands....

2009-09-03T03:32:00.000-07:00

A hilarious voice-over by Gordon Strachan on the infamous Wenger sending off incident

at Old Trafford.

Good riddance to Big 'Bore'ther..

2009-08-29T11:45:00.000-07:00

Channel 4 is finally drawing the curtains on the reality show Big Brother. Thank God for that!

I have never really been a fan of reality shows and I guess Big Brother would top my 'Never watch TV shows' recommendation list. What perplexes me is how on earth Big Brother got the reality show tag - it is far removed from reality as reality can be. Think about it, is being cut off from rest of the world and doing some mad and moronic tasks for weeks together in a confined space the definition of reality?? I personally think that a series about the Loch Ness monster or UFO sightings and alien invasions would be much more closer to reality than Big Brother.

Channel 4 claims that the show still has an audience base of 2 million in the U.K! Why would someone want to watch this show day in and day out is something that I can never get my head around. Thankfully, axing this show would free up as much as 200 hours of TV time for Channel 4! I really really hope they don't find another 'supposed-to-be' reality show to fill up these reclaimed slots.

Organic food: Is it worth the money?

2009-07-31T05:18:00.001-07:00

Invariably right next to the shelf filled with normal looking potatoes or onions are their neat and well packaged organic counterparts. Both the conventional and organic varieties are sold under the same supermarket brand name, so there is not much to chose between the brand as such (hey, its only vegetables after all!). But the prices tell a different story, the well packaged organic cousin is at least a £1 or more expensive. You wonder whether the price is worth it, but the thought of the pesticide scarred poorer cousin being somehow less nutritious wins the argument (at times) and you snap up the expensive organic variety and head towards the checkout.

Well if nutrition is the key decision factor for shelling out extra bucks for the organic variety then its perhaps time to think again. A recent study commissioned by the Food Standards Agency (FSA) reveals that "there are no important differences in the nutrition content, or any additional health benefits, of organic food when compared with conventionally produced food". Ouch! Among others, researchers reviewed papers published on this topic over the last 50 years before arriving at this conclusion.

As of now it appears that the global appetite for organically produced food is rising and in the U.K, the market for organic food is currently estimated to be worth £2bn. The question is whether the findings of this study and possibly others along similar lines will dent the market for organic foods in the years to come.

Proponents for organic food cite many other factors, including taste, sustainable farming, benefit to the environment etc as reasons to switch to organic food. Needless to say, in the years ahead it would be these factors and not nutrition which shapes public opinion about organic food.

On a different note, a good re-read of this blog post makes me feel like I am doing a reading comprehension/critical reasoning passage in the middle of a really long exam. The only aspect missing is a daft question on the lines of - What is the tone of the passage? or What does the passage suggest about the author's attitude towards Organic food? :-)

Is the spending sustainable?

2009-07-17T10:19:00.000-07:00

Manchester City have thrown in £50mn into the transfer market so far this summer, snapping up big name signings such as Carlos Tevez and Emmanuel Adebayor. Of course, this spending pales in comparison with the money being splashed around by Real Madrid. The question really is, signing up top players might produce results, but is this extravagant spending in transfer market really sustainable?

Sir Alex for one thinks not. In a recent statement he labelled the current transfer market as 'ridiculous'. Many believe that wages and levels of debt in clubs is getting out of hand. I guess, this in part could explain the rather prudent approach taken by the top 4 premier league clubs this time with regards to spending big money. Most of them have been quite happy to offload high profile stars to bring down debt levels and the wage-to-turnover ratio. Even big spending Chelsea have had to trim their team size to bring down the ratio from 81% a couple of years ago, to the present figure of 68%. Interestingly, Chelsea have a turnover of £213mn, the fifth highest among European clubs, yet thanks to their enormous wage costs and debt, they finished the year with a net loss in the range of a staggering £65mn. Many believe that a combination of letting academy and youth squad players break into the main team, and weaning the club away from over-reliance on soft loans (i.e. 0% interest loans) from owner Roman Abramovich, is the way forward for the clubs' long term sustainability.

At the other end, Arsenal has the lowest wage-to-turnover ratio among the top 10 teams (based on last seasons standings) at 45%, which in my opinion is a clear reflection of the abysmal amount that Arsene Wenger is spending on getting big names into the club. Wonder if Wenger has lost the plot in his attempt to keep costs under control.

The table below (courtesy: The Guardian) gives a snapshot of the key figures for the top 10 clubs in EPL. The turnover figures reveal a wide chasm between the big 4 of EPL and the rest of the cohort.

Club

Turnover

(in £mn’s)

Wage

(in £mn’s)

Wage/Turnover

Debt

(in £mn’s)

Manchester United

256.2

121.1

47%

699

Liverpool

159

80

50%

280

Chelsea

213.6

149

68%

701

Arsenal

223

101.3

45%

416

Everton

76

44.5

59%

39

Aston Villa

75.6

50.4

66.6%

73

Fulham

53.7

39.3

73%

197

Tottenham Hotspur

114.8

52.9

46%

65

West Ham United

57

44.2

76%

36

Manchester City

82.3

54.2

66%

147

Mission Impossible?

2009-04-29T05:50:00.000-07:00

Will Alan Shearer's second stint at Newcastle, albeit this time as a manager, end in triumph or despair? As things stand, relegation appears no longer to be a 'possibility' but a sure certainty, barring a miracle.

With just 4 games remaining, the Magpies can only hope that they go on and win them all and that either Hull or Sunderland would drop points. But to win games Newcastle needs to first score goals (ruling out the remote possibilty of winning through self goals scored by the opposition). The question is where will the goals come from? Both Owen and Viduka seem to be well past their prime and look like a shadow of their former selves.

The chances of survival look bleak, and all that Newcaste can hope for is a strong dose of inspiration from their favorite son that would bolster the spirit in the team. There is a trite remark about how good players never make good managers, Newcastle can only pray that Shearer proves it wrong.

Procol Harum

2009-04-15T11:35:00.000-07:00

Not heard of Procol Harum? Jeez, I can't believe it!! Well at least you surely would have heard of the track 'A whiter shade of pale'? Well if you haven't then ...don't despair, join the club.

According to a recent chart complied by BBC Radio 2, the most played song in public places in the last 75 years is none other than the aforementioned track by Procol Harum. You read that right - '75 years', 'most played track', not a typo.

Well, I thought that I had a fairly good idea of the Western music scene (from 40's onwards) , but I guess its time to rethink what I think of my music knowledge. Yup, a confusing line....but I truly am confounded by this fact.

I did a little bit of snooping around on the net and found the following bits of trivia about Procol Harum:

An asteroid is named after this group (asteroid 14024) and so is an Orchid.
The Restaurant at the End of the Universe - the second book in the Hitchhikers Trilogy, was inspired by the song "Grand Hotel", from Procol Harum's album Grand Hotel.

Yup, they must have been big in their hay days in late 60's, but I guess just not big enough for everyone to know about 'em (or their tracks!).

Coming back to the BBC list, here's how other 'better known' groups fared:

1. Procol Harum - A Whiter Shade Of Pale
2. Queen - Bohemian Rhapsody
3. Everly Brothers - All I Have To Do Is Dream
4. Wet Wet Wet - Love Is All Around
5. Bryan Adams - (Everything I Do) I Do It For You
6. Robbie Williams - Angels
7. Elvis Presley - All Shook Up
8. Abba - Dancing Queen
9. Perry Como - Magic Moments
10. Bing Crosby - White Christmas

Surprisingly, the Beatles managed to get only as high as No.11 (for 'Hello Goodbye')!

Goodwin losing Goodwill?

2009-02-26T13:15:00.000-08:00

Sir Fred Goodwin's dogged ambition was to oversee the rise of the Royal Bank of Scotland to global prominence. However, what he managed to accomplish was bring down a successful bank to the verge of collapse. Earlier today, RBS reported a staggering loss to the tune of £24bn, a loss unprecedented in U.K's corporate history.

Sir Fred resigned (or rather was eased out of his role) as the CEO of RBS last October when the fallout from the global financial crises saw the government stepping in to bail out the beleaguered bank and take a 70% stake in it.

If the fact that footing the bank's loses did not go down well with the public, the recent revelation that under the terms of his exit, Sir Fred is to receive a compensation of nearly £650,000 a year, for the rest of his life has clearly outraged them. The man in question is aged 50 and the average life expectancy for a male in the U.K is 77. Cold as though this calculation might seem, the fact of the matter is that the taxpayer has to foot an annual bill of £650,000 for at least 27 years. The very fact that someone is being paid so much for his incompetency is simply mind boggling.

Just a thought in passing, perhaps Sir Fred could use his banking skills to securitise the future earnings from the compensation package and sell it in the market. He would certainly get a good price for it, for this one is as good as a 'AAA' since the income stream is virtually guaranteed by the government itself, much safer than the dodgy ones that RBS traded under his tenure and of course much less complicated too.

The mystery of the missing cash...

2009-01-19T05:02:00.000-08:00

During my stay in Bangalore this time, I had to make a dash to the office of a well known insurance company to pay up my premium before the due date (which incidentally was the very day I went to make the payment, hence the urgency). I stepped in at 12:00 noon and looking at the rather smallish queue expected to be out in 15 minutes. I couldn't have been more wrong, as I eventually managed to get out of the place a whole hour and a half later!

The first thing that caught my eye while waiting in the queue was a rather large poster which spoke of remarkable 'New Year Prices'. I thought, well this is simply amazing, looks like they are slashing the premiums this year given the new low in consumer confidence in any financial institution whatsoever, let alone insurance. However, reading further on in the poster I realised that they were talking about a lucky dip and the amazing prizes to be won. Ouch! no luck my friend but yes you could at least win one of those amazing new year prices...err prizes.

The prizes ranged from a trip to 'Bangkak', to a brand new 'Toyata' Camry to Gold and Diamond 'Jewellary' for women. Well, I could only assume that all these were typos, unless there does exist some tourist destination called Bangkak or a brand by the name of Toyata and so on, which I safely assume that most of us are unaware of. Spellings have always been quite a handicap for me and so I had no intention of being overly critical of the poster apart from lets say finding it mildly amusing. But amusement soon turned into worry as I pondered as to why on earth the company had not replaced this poster given the fact that you didn't have to be a genius to uncover these typos. Were they in such a lousy financial situation that changing posters like this would be a huge overhead on their profits (or probably exacerbate their losses?). I took in a deep breath of air and calmed myself with the thought that heck my money is safe as I am sure that governments worldwide would step in and save the day... as always!

Ten minutes had passed by now and with just two others ahead of me in the queue, I thought I was almost there...and that's when it all started going wrong.

"How can that be? How can the amount be short by Rs 1000.", remarked the customer who was making the payment.

"Sir, I checked the amount you gave me. It is short by Rs. 1000.", the cashier responded in a matter of fact tone.

"I counted it 3 times at home. It was perfect. You are trying to dupe me", thundered the customer.

"Sir, you have not paid the full amount", the cashier in a visibly irritated voice.

Boom! The customer quite literally exploded and a shouting death match got underway. In line with our true Indian culture it was time to take sides, draw as big a set of onlookers as possible and wait till possibly a wise man or two in the crowd would deliver a verdict in true village 'Panchayat' style. All and sundry, including some folks from a office next door and a few others passing by in the corridor joined the fray as things were heating up and decibel levels were reaching new highs.

Sometimes it so happens that while receiving the change for a payment made, accidentally or fraudulently you end up with a lesser amount. However this was the first time I was witness to a case were the payment made itself was in question. As the shouting match continued I was wondering how such a situation would be handled in Europe.

A typical (read non-customer friendly) response from the cashier would be "Sorry mate! Please give me exact amount. Next Please!" . The customer making the complaint is simply ignored from that point on. Since there is no reaction from anyone else in the queue and the cashier has chosen to ignore him, the customer has existential doubts. Is he really present in this place at this point of time? Is he alive? or is it all a part of the Matrix. The customer walks home in a depression.

A rare but possible (read customer friendly) response from the cashier would be "Hang on a moment, I'll direct you to the person with whom you can lodge a complaint". The cashier dials a toll free number and connects to the company call center operator in India, to figure out astonishingly that the person who deals with such complaints is a colleague who sits just two seats away. The cashier is visibly excited that after being in the same office for 10 years now, he finally knows the job role of this colleague in question. Now that the ice is broken perhaps in an another say 10 years time, he would actually know if this colleague is married, and has kids etc. An amazing social chapter is opened thanks to the customers complaint.

Now, back to the situation at hand. With no party gaining a clear lead in the shouting row, the branch manager finally stepped in. Both the customer and cashier were clearly out energy by now, so it was up to their respective patrons to explain the problem. "Sir, the customer had checked the amount 10 times at home", exclaimed one of them. Duh? that's a radical increase over what the customer himself had claimed initially! The manager finally managed to convince the customer that he would be better off if he filed a written complaint rather than shouting needlessly. A tense ceasefire held sway as the customer was busy filing his written complaint. With the complaint done, the warring parties finally declared a cession of hostilities and the queue finally began to move. Phew!

A race for survival?

2008-12-11T02:41:00.000-08:00

In the current 'gloom and doom' economic climate it is certainly not hard to predict the fact that revenue flowing in from sponsorship and advertising deals into sports and sporting events would reduce to a trickle. Sports, it appears, would inadvertently be a casualty of the recession (or should I be using the term depression?). However, the problems that could plague Formula One in a prolonged recession certainly set it apart from the fortunes of other global sports.

Recently Honda decided to pull out of F1, to concentrate on its 'core business' i.e. that of manufacturing cars. Speculation now surrounds the possibility of Toyota biding goodbye to F1. A recent article which appeared in the Financial Times draws attention to the fact that after Honda, Toyota has spent more than any other car manufacturer on F1, close to £700 million over the past five years. In difficult economic times, when cutting costs is the norm and with company results scrutinised thoroughly by analysts and shareholders alike, it would appear logical to do away with the glamour of racing for a while.

The survival of teams with billionaires at their helm is being called into question too. Billionaires have seen huge amounts of their fortunes being wiped off in the bearish market and if their other businesses(Airlines for instance in Vijay Mallya's case) take a pounding or two in the recession, then continuing in F1 would be the last thing on their mind.

The aforementioned article in FT is centered primarily on the payment behaviour of the teams in F1. Astonishingly only 2 of the 10 teams pay their invoices by the due date and teams such as Force India pay 99% of its invoices nearly 75 days late! Throwing in the current economic factors into this equation as a well, its not hard to guess that the delays in payment are surely going to worsen and would call into question the credit worthiness of most teams. All in all, it certainly seems to be tough times ahead for F1.

Who failed Mumbai?

2008-12-04T02:37:00.000-08:00

Of course its incompetent politicians did. Managing an ethnically and economically diverse city with a population upwards of 13 million is no joke, yet sadly it was jokers who were at the helm of affairs when tragedy struck.

Starting with the Chief Minister of the state - this gentleman claims he had received intelligence reports about a possible terror strike but could not do much in terms of preemptive action as the report did not detail any specifics. Boy, doesn't he sound really clever! It's like flunking miserably in an exam and trying to seem intelligent at the end of it by stating proudly that at the very least you could identify the questions posed. To top it up of course was his grand tour of the Taj Palace Hotel accompanied by his film star son and a movie director that convinced people of his seriousness to act and do something.....like making a Bollywood movie out of it.

The Deputy Chief Minister followed up with an even more audacious statement that 'small incidents' like these do happen in big cities. I really wonder what would classify as a big incident in his lexicon, perhaps a nuclear strike on the city? Nah, even such a doomsday scenario may not be not 'big' enough according to him. Maybe if his kith and kin were trapped along with other hostages? or perhaps a stray terrorist bullet hit one of his security cars or something like that, possibly then we are talking about a very serious threat to the city.

The Mayor - yes, the city of Mumbai has a Mayor, did not make any stunning statements, but I wonder what she knows about leadership and leading from the front in times of crisis. In her one and half years' in office, she has made 5 foreign trips, including one to New York. Wonder what she has learnt (if anything at all) about governance and leadership from her foreign counterparts. I checked Wikipedia (its not the absolute source of info, but a good starting point) to find some info about her, only to find that the pinnacle of her achievement was that 'she ruled that all state government documents must be printed only in Marathi, not Hindi or English'. Yet again an abject display of Indian politicians turning out to be self proclaimed protectors of language and culture as opposed to being protectors of the very people who voted them in.

Of course no talk about politics in Mumbai is complete without a mention of a certain Uncle-Nephew combo who are self proclaimed protectors of local culture. They would go any lengths for their cause (if it can be categorised as one) such as conducting daring raids on unarmed, innocent and hapless civilians who dare enter 'their' city. Of course there was no news of them or their goons when the 'real' outsiders entered Mumbai. By the way, going by their classification of people, the NSG would have consisted of many 'outsiders' too, I won't be surprised if Uncle and nephew are offended by that fact.

I really wonder what role the politician has to play in the Indian society. This shameless 'cartel' does not care to protect the masses or alleviate their living conditions, but instead talks about protecting 'culture', 'language' etc. It reeks of arrogance and stupidity. Language, culture etc. are too huge for one person or party to claim to protect, history of hundreds and thousands of years eventually charters its course. On the contrary protecting a human life and improving living conditions are well within the power of politicians, but sadly they choose to remain oblivious to reality.

Here we go again....

2008-10-17T08:18:00.000-07:00

'The $750bn man', 'The Bailout Czar', 'The Indian-American who is given the job of saving Wall street...and the world' etc. are among a few of the mighty titles bestowed to Neel Kashkari by the Indian media. Duh? I thought that the only person capable of saving the world was Captain Vijaykanth, ah...but then I guess I was wrong. Anyways, the point of this post is that the Indian media are at it again, with yet another abject display of misplaced national pride.

Kashkari holds a Bachelors' and Masters' degree in Engineering from University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign, and an MBA from Wharton. He's not from an IIT-IIM or a product of the Indian educational system for Indians to gloat about his achievements. As I understand he did not even do his kindergarten in an Indian school. Kashkari was born in Akron, Ohio, in which case, we can't even credit an Indian hospital, nurse or mid-wife for any contribution whatsoever in his life. So what exactly is the Indian media asking us to be proud about here?

Honestly, the only ones who should be proud about Kashkari's achievements are the founding fathers of the United States of America. Their country,as envisaged by them, has lived up to the high ideals of liberty and equality to all. It has provided an equal platform for everyone to live the American Dream irrespective of their class, race or creed. While in Kashkari's land of origin ...sorry Kashari's parents' land of origin, even after 6 decades of independence equal opportunity to all citizens remains but a distant dream!

Of course, the jingoists would argue that it was his upbringing in an Indian family in the true Indian value system that moulded him and is clearly responsible for his achievements. Err. ..hang on a second, if the Indian value system has such stupendous effects, I wonder what value system his boss Henry Paulson was brought up in to become the CEO of Goldman Sachs and later the United States Treasury secretary.

Glens, Lochs, Bagpipers, Castles and much more..

2008-09-30T06:26:00.000-07:00

The scenic beauty of the Highlands, vast expanse of the countryside dotted with Glens and Lochs, picturesque castles, tales of legends, myths and history, music from the bagpipes, the Gaelic names and the enunciation of words in Scottish , all in all made for a very memorable trip. Apart from all this, I learnt quite a few interesting facts and trivia relating to Scotland, its people, language and culture, which I have tried to list below (before my ageing memory fails me) .

Pontius Pilate, the infamous Roman Prefect of Judea, who presided over the trial of Jesus and ordered his crucifixion, is supposed to have been born in Fortingall, a small village in the Scottish Highlands.

Incidentally, it was the Romans who gave the name 'Caledonia' to Scotland which literally translates to 'wooded land', a reference to the vast tracts of forested Scottish highlands.

The Scottish legend, Sir William Wallace, immortalised by Mel Gibson in the movie Braveheart apparently died a death more painful and gory than that depicted in the movie (digest that!). Wallace was dragged naked through the streets of London, then hung slowly to ensure maximum suffering but not death. Wallace was revived back to consciousness after this painful ordeal and his body was cut open and his intestines were burnt in front of him (while he was still alive). He was finally beheaded and his body was cut into four parts, to teach a lesson to everyone in the kingdom about the consequences of rebellion. A punishment considered extreme even by 13th-14th Century standards!

Of course, all this could not have been shown in the movie. However, the movie I was told, has a number of historical inaccuracies (typical of any Hollywood period movie I suppose). For a start, the Scots never painted their face before they went into a battle. The tour guide joked about it saying that the only Scots who ever painted their faces (as depicted by Gibson) in the last millennia were probably Scottish football fans in the 70's. Also Wallace, was not a Highlander. Lowland Scots did not wear Kilts or play Bagpipes; a very basic error in the movie.

There are over 30,000 Lochs (Gaelic for Lake) in Scotland, but none more famous than Loch Ness, thanks to the legend surrounding its supposed inhabitant - Nessie or the Loch Ness Monster. The earliest known sightings of Nessie date back to as early as the 6th Century and was mentioned by St. Columba, the monk who brought Christianity to Scotland. The most recent sighting of Nessie was in 2005. Of course, the sightings always peak in the tourist season ;-).

Interestingly, there is just one lake in Scotland which is referred to as a Lake (all others are referred to as Loch) - Lake Menteith. Folklore has it that this water body was given a English name (i.e. Lake) to remind the Scots about the betrayal by Sir John de Menteith, a Scottish nobleman,who betrayed Wallace and handed him over to the English army.

As one travels further up the Highlands, it is quite commonplace to see signage in both Gaelic and English. It is estimated that there still about 60,000 Scots, who can speak Gaelic fluently. The names of most rivers, hills, Lochs, Glens (Gaelic for Valley), towns and cities in Scotland are derived from Gaelic. For instance, 'Inver' and 'Aber' are Gaelic words which mean "mouth of", hence the names 'Inverness' - at the mouth of river Ness, 'Aberdeen' - at the mouth of river Dee. The Celtic tribes preferred using 'Inver', while the Picts preferred 'Aber'. Most Gaelic names seemed to me like names of people and places in 'Lord of the Rings'. Would not be surprised if it really were!

We are quite familiar with Scottish and Irish surnames names typically starting with the letters 'Mc' or 'Mac', as in McDonald, McGregor etc. 'Mc'/'Mac' means "son of" in Gaelic, hence McDonald is a descendant of some dude called Donald. A quick and easy way to trace your lineage!

'Children of the Mist' was the colloquial name given to MacGregor clan, one of the many Highland clans. The MacGregors it is said, would come down from the Highlands to raid farms, pilfer cattle, waylay merchants and disappear swiftly back into the hills with the loot. The clan had built such a reputation that in fact at one time the surname MacGregor was proscribed in Scotland and anyone with that surname was simply executed without any questions asked.

Rob Roy was the most famous (infamous ?) of the MacGregors and is credited with the origin of the English word 'blackmail'. Rob Roy used to pilfer cattle and demand a ransom for them from the hapless villagers. The villagers had to a pay a 'meal' (Gaelic for Rent/Money) to get their cattle back from Rob Roy. Hence the term blackmail!

Phew! That's quite a lot of info to spew out in one post. Altogether, it was an unforgettable trip!

Viva La Vida

2008-09-24T01:58:00.001-07:00

Coldplay released their new album titled 'Viva La Vida' back in June this year. Err.. I know this is old news but given the crazy schedule I had for most of the year, its only now that I had a chance to listen to all the songs in the album. My first impression...it's definitely the best Coldplay album till date!

I couldn't get my head around the meaning of the title 'Viva La Vida' and thanks to Google discovered that it translates to 'Live Life' or 'Long Live Life' in Spanish. Spanish , uhmm.. I should have guessed that at least given my 'incredible' proficiency in Spanish (Err.. I did attend 3 full classes learning the days of week and months of the year before dropping out.. :-)).

The album has ten tracks, five of which are simply outstanding. A 50% strike rate of outstanding songs in an album is quite a commendable feat. Among the other five tracks, three of them are quite good as well, though not quite outstanding.

The title track of the the album titled 'Viva La Vida' ( in case you found it terribly hard to guess) , is mind blowing. The song interestingly has allusions to the bible/biblical characters and there is many a discussion board trying to figure out the real meaning of the song. I guess only Coldplay will ever know the answer to that (hopefully)!

If I were to rank the top 5 tracks in the album, they would be:

Viva La Vida
Cemeteries of London
Death and all his friends
Lost
Strawberry Swing

The chorus in 'Cemeteries of London' is quite haunting, making you want to listen to it over and over again. Each song is great in its own right and very different from the stuff Coldplay have released in the past.

Have a good time listening to the album!

Operation Blunt

2008-09-17T11:53:00.000-07:00

Though it sounds like the title of a computer game 'Operation Blunt' is far more serious stuff. As the number of teenagers murdered in the streets of London this year reached 27, of which 18 were stabbings, the Metropolitan police (Met) came under increasing pressure to tackle knife crime. Operation Blunt-2 was a major initiative launched by the Met to counter this raising menace.

Worryingly, the perpetrators of knife crime are teenagers/young youth themselves and in most cases money is not even the motive for the murder. Among other things, the Met released a hard hitting advertising campaign warning teenagers about the consequences of indulging in knife crime. One such advert (click on picture) drives home the message clearly, hopefully its intended audience is listening.

Dasavatharam..

2008-06-27T12:34:00.000-07:00

"Ulaga Nayagane....", "Ula.....ga ....Naya...gane..", "U.....l ......a....g....a...", was I hearing an echo in my head? I never claimed to have much grey matter anyway, but strangely that space felt much more hollow than it had been 3 hours before. But by God’s grace I survived. Yes, to think of it I even recovered from the near ‘brain dead’ scenario when I saw K.S Ravikumar jump onto the screen!!! I swear at that very moment my mind was nearly numbed into permanent silence. Not that this scenario would have radically changed the course of mankind, but nevertheless would have vindicated the ‘Chaos Theory’ propounded earlier on the movie – ‘A movie made in one corner of the world would have an adverse effect on a poor student watching it in far away Milton Keynes’.

Frankly, it took me not a few hours, but a few days to digest the “Dasavatharam experience” and muster enough courage to recount my experience to the esteemed reader. So, where do I start my friend? Do I start with the Nambi the 12th century Thambi?

[Start of Kamal voice] “Ivarodaye kathaikum, naan solla pora kathaikum, entha sambandhamum illayae. Neengal kekavitalum naan athay solla than poren” [End of Kamal voice].

A simple and terse translation would be ‘this character has nothing to do with the movie’. Ok so “Nambi the dude” is a superman cum idealist, preferring to die rather than abandon his faith. He has to endure a lot, including some very lousy acting by all those around him, notably, his over-sized son, his hysterical wife and not to forget the Chola King, who speaks a few lines between his pervert-ish grins and sign language communication. But at this point the viewer feels something major is coming his way. Yup, you bet it does, but after a ‘short’ gap of 9 centuries.

Fast forward to present day……The focus is on Govind the bio-chemical guru. He is the chosen one, the dude who is going to save the world. Govind is thrust into the limelight after a monkey, ends up monkeying around with a very deadly vial. This vial could potentially end the human race (the movie comes a close second though), so this is not the typical ‘vial-um vazhvum’ type of thing (Sorry I couldn’t control myself from getting that PJ in). Visualise Govind mimicking zee American accent. Well if that image was bad enough, we also have a Japanese chick who speaks Tamizh in the most nasal of any tone that I have ever heard before. Anyway Govind is all over the place - from Washington to Chidambaram and he is always on the run. Surely Govind can secure a gold medal for India in the Beijing games, as he would easily outrun any of the marathon champions from Ethiopia.

Balaram Naidu, is a top investigator. Without an iota of doubt this character is the only saving grace of the movie. Kudos to Kamal on this role!! His comic timing is exceptional. ‘Appa Rao, RAW, ..’series, the scene where he meets a guy called Narasimha Rao etc. makes you laugh heartily. Naidu is there for most part of the movie and provides unlimited entertainment.

Avtaar Singh, is a pop singer from Punjab, who belts out ‘allegedly’ popular tunes in Tamizh too. Punjabi pop singer, singing Tamizh songs…uhmmm, well if Udith Narayan can do it, so can good old Avtaar – “Rawk it baby”. Avtaar is a passionate singer and sings despite spewing a lot of pan err… sorry blood all over the stage (I guess that’s what you term as a ‘Blood on the dance floor’ performance). Only a miracle can cure Avtaar, and well that’s exactly what happens (in fact anything could have happened in this movie, hence the miraculous cure doesn’t quite come across as a miracle).

Next up, we have Vincent, a social activist. He makes a dramatic entry in the movie and quite inadvertently saves the heroine's honour. Kamal’s performance in this role is powerful, but how does it link up with the movie beyond the dramatic entry is a mystery. In any case this mystery is a matter that would hardly interest you, given the chaos that already is and is to come further on in the movie.

As Kalifulla Khan a.k.a Baby, Kamal makes a big physical impression but leaves much to be desired in terms of the role. Though a few scenes involving this character are funny, he really could have done much much more.

And Kamal, plays yet another role, as Krishnaveni - a senile old lady. Don’t form a mental image of Avai Shanmugi type of lady role here. in fact it is as far from it as you can get. Really don’t know what the point of this role was, well not that the other 9 roles had any sense of purpose about them, but this one was just there to make up the numbers I suppose.

With 7 down and 3 more to go, we now we move into the international section. Yup, Kamal plays ‘Dubya’man, a Japanese martial arts guru and a terminator style villain. The villain role is the best of the international lot. Fletcher does for the most part come across as a ruthless killer, who would do anything to have his way. The Japanese character Shingen-San is in fact a complete non-sanse (nonsense). He exchanges a few absurd lines with the villain, the most notable of them being ‘Remember Pearl Harbour’, everything else that the ‘quiet one’ speaks is in Japanese (or so I presume). Last but not the least, is Kamal as George W Bush. Bush does a few swashbuckling ‘Thalivar’ type moves, and well that’s about it. A role that could well have been avoided.

To cut a long story short, 'Michael Madana Kamarajan' had just 4 characters, no hi-fi make up and stuff, but Kamal proved his brilliance and delivered a classic that our generation can never forget. In 10 roles and at probably 100 times the cost of Michael Madana Kamarajan, Dasavatharam fails to create an impression, let alone a lasting impact.

Food Crisis..or a Crisis of ideas?

2008-05-09T11:04:00.000-07:00

The picture of food riots in Mogadishu, Somalia made it to the headlines in leading dailies a couple of days ago. The context was the worsening global food crisis and the picture on the front page was I presume to drive home the seriousness of the situation.

Of course, without a shadow of doubt we are in the midst of a serious food crisis, but I wonder how the Somalian story fits into the scheme of things. At the risk of sounding blunt (or perhaps ignorant), I don't think Somalia had a regular and equitable distribution of food anytime in the last two decades, even when the rest of the world was doing perfectly fine. The media does want to draw the readers attention, but using photos such as these does not help, it in fact dilutes the seriousness of the problem. At best, a reader (not so aware of this problem) in the western world would look at it and say, "Ah..what a pity, our government must do something to help these countries out".

The irony is that the policies adopted by governments in the west, especially with regard to bio-fuels has in part added fuel to the fire in this crisis (uhmm..quite a few 'fuels' were burnt up in this sentence, must decrease my carbon footprint ;-)). Coupled with this rather daft policy is a genuine bankruptcy of ideas to get to the root of the problem. Condoleezza Rice even went on to attribute the skyrocketing prices of grain to the 'increased prosperity and apparent improvement in the diets of people in China and India'. Great, so these countries with 'just' a couple of billion people, should stop eating to save the rest of the world. That would surely solve the problem, at least in the eyes of the U.S administration.

Anyway, if the crisis continues to spiral out of hand, Condoleezza 'Rice' would be better off if she changes her surname, lest a hungry person eat her up :-)

Mera treat...

2008-05-05T03:09:00.000-07:00

Well, ideally the blog should be titled 'Mary's treat' but since I was the only beneficiary of it, hence the title. Without too much deliberation we zeroed in on the venue for the treat and off we went on a sleepy Sunday morning to an Indian restaurant. For a change, food at this restaurant tasted genuinely Indian and did not turn out to be one of those non-spicy, sweet and slick disasters, typical of Indian restaurants in this part of the world (run invariably by Bangladeshis). The only problem with this place was their strict interpretation of Indian food (I guess that's the restaurants USP), hence no Gobi Manchurian, Tomato Soup and the likes. Sigh..miss good old Shanti Sagar :-).

Well matters of gastronomy aside, here's a toast to Mary's resilience and spirit to see through a rather difficult phase. I need to learn all this and more from her as I embark on my quest for employment.

From invincible .....to invisible

2008-04-08T14:50:00.000-07:00

A little over a month is all it takes for dreams of grandeur to turn to nightmares of misery. One month was all it took for the Arsenal dream of winning the Premier League and basking in the glory of Europe's ultimate crown - the Champions League title, to turn to nothingness. The defeat at Anfield tonight was the final nail in the coffin, ensuring that the Arsenal cupboard yet again remains devoid of any new trophies.

The 84th minute dream run by Walcott setting up for a clinical finish from Adebayor would have on any given day seen Arsenal through. But alas fate cannot be changed, for the events that unfolded in the next 6 minutes of the game, unbelievable to say the least, broke the spirit of many an Arsenal fan. 6 minutes, 2 goals from Liverpool, the game was dead and buried for Arsenal. The heroes who had conquered Milan are gone, the tournament moves on without them.

Were Arsenal the better team tonight? Debatable surely, in fact definitely not in my opinion. The Gunners looked jaded for most part of the game, especially after the first half equaliser from Liverpool. The defence was patchy to say the least. All said and done, the dream run and the equaliser catapulted Arsenal right back in, promising for a moment to erase their ignominious fate in the premier league. Alas, the moment was fleeting indeed. Yet another trophy less season, and that's the sad reality.

Champions League...at last!!

2008-04-03T11:31:00.000-07:00

Not sure when I last watched a complete Arsenal match or a full length Champions League game. The intersection of the 2 events mentioned has not happened in the past seven months since I landed here. Well, given such a pathetic personal track record, getting to watch the match a couple of days ago, between Arsenal and Liverpool was a big event indeed. And, well at the risk of sounding even more pathetic, let me clarify that I am talking about watching the match on TV only (and not in the stadium)!!!

Well, the match got off to a good start for Arsenal. However, I can't echo the same personal feeling since by the time I had 'launched' and completed 'other formalities' Arsenal had already scored the first goal. Darn, I bloody missed the Arsenal goal, only to land up promptly to witness the Liverpool equaliser :-( . I consoled myself with the thought that a goal a piece within the first half hour would surely open up the game, leading up to an exciting finale.

I am certain all that I hoped for would have happened had it not been for the fact that Liverpool was the team involved in this game. It didn't take me too long to realize that the only attacking move from Liverpool in the entire game had already happened, that's when they scored the bloody equaliser. From then on it was a wave after wave of Arsenal attack thwarted not by the Liverpool defence, but strangely by the referee and in one instance bizarrely by an Arsenal player itself!! The Dutch referee got the penalty decision completely wrong. Hleb was clearly brought down in the box, but the referee didn't entertain calls for a penalty. The weirdest incident in the match had be that of Bendtner getting in the way of the ball in what would have been a sure fire goal from teammate Fabregas' strike. Grrrr!!!!

Torres was the solo Liverpool player who was in the Arsenal side of the pitch for most of the game. Apart from faking and diving though, he did not contribute much to the game.

Liverpool bashing could go on, but the unfortunate reality is that Liverpool are in the drivers seat going into the return leg at Anfield. I predict a 0-0 or 1-0 in favour of Liverpool, ensuring their passage to the next round. Though for sure, the better game would have been played by Arsenal.

Alive....

2008-03-27T12:25:00.000-07:00

It's not been too long since my last post, heck it's been just under a year. Thought it was high time to start blogging again, just to check if I am still mentally capable of writing anything apart from boring 1500 word limit reports.

Uhmm..... So what's been happening? To re-phrase a famous Lennon song: 'And so this is Easter, and what have I done? Two terms are over and a new one will soon begin...' Don't know what quite hit me in the last 6 months, but yup, I am still alive. Boy, my self awareness astounds me at times :-). Well in half a year of absence I have been honing a couple of 'special' skills, summed up best by the following cartoons:

So much so for what I have gained, but what I have lost in the bargain? Well, apart from the obvious i.e. friends, family and 'Yeh Jo Des hey mera....' part of it, there have been quite a few things such as: (more about each of them in follow up blogs)

Television: The perfect mode to kill time, take a break, relax, whatever. Been quite a nightmarish time without a T.V. So in case you are wondering what's stopping me from buying a T.V, take a guess. Is it the cost? Nope, that's not even the main criteria, assuming of course that I am not aspiring for a wall mounted flat screen plasma TV or the likes of any such fancy device. At the heart of the problem is a beautiful rule, unique to life in the U.K, it's called a 'T.V License'. Duh? people need license for vehicles, running businesses etc. but have you ever heard of a concept as ghastly as buying a license to watch TV. Nuts!! Well, assuming that I do go in for a TV license, what do I get in the bargain - BBC and a couple of other terrestrial channels at best. Man, just think of paying an annual subscription to watch Doordarshan !!! It's as painful as that.
English Premier League: Quite an irony given the fact that I am in England. I squarely attribute this to the first point. Hell I used to even watch bloody useless bottom of the table matches, Aston Villa matches etc. (yeah, you are getting the idea now), but now I don't have any means or access to watch it, well that's assuming I have the time to watch it in the first place. Argghhh!! painful. Well tried following the games live on the web, but heck it's not the same feeling.
Times of India: Can your morning ever be the same without knowing what Prasad Bidappa, Jackie Shetty and other page 3 characters think of the state of Indian economy, the cricket team, situation in Iraq etc. Sigh, I really miss the insightful reporting.
A spacious house: Well I am not talking about a bungalow here, mind you but something/anything that is better than the glorified 'studio' apartment that I live in. Back home, I have seen advertisements such as 'bedroom with attached bathroom'. Boy, the place I live in could be advertised as 'bedroom with attached kitchen' !!
Customer service: 'Saar, try this design, it is the lateshht', 'You want to alter this suit saar, no problem. Arree chottu...' , 'You want more information about the warranty? I will call the head office in M.G road, please wait' ....sigh sounds much better than 'Sorry mate, I don't know', 'We don't work on weekends, please come in next week'. Heck even call centers for banks don't operate beyond 8:00 P.M, beat that!!
Quality of life: Evaluating this would require a more holistic approach, considering a whole range of factors. However, a fellow Indian has summed it up amazingly in this video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xOTDhr3Psu4

Well, that's about enough for the time being. Will hopefully post more blogs frequently in the future.

The Big Game.....

2007-05-24T10:30:00.000-07:00

....turned out to be quite a big disappointment in the end. Last nights UEFA Champions league finals clash between AC Milan and Liverpool was probably one of the most boring Champions league finals I have ever seen.

I am not sure if "boring" is the right word to describe the insipid stuff thrashed out yesterday. "Boring" could probably be used to describe the Juventus Vs AC Milan final or the Bayern Munich Vs Valencia final, both of which went all the way to penalties, simply because no one was interested in risking an all out attack. But yesterdays stuff was something else, it was totally lifeless. Even if there are no goals in a match there is some event that stays in your mind, for instance a controversial offside decision, or a red card or a stunning save or a brilliant attempt on goal. But this match was as eventless as eventless can be. Heck, even a yellow card took a long time coming.

Among the two teams, Liverpool did appear a shade better. But yet again please take this statement with a pinch of salt. What I am trying to get at is that among the two teams, Liverpool atleast realized that they were playing a professional match at European level and not a warm up game with a second division team . Lousy crosses from Zenden, fancy passes by Pennant, misguided rockets from Riise, and the all too familiar diving theatrics of Ingazhi, simply culminated in making it a thoroughly forgettable final.

Of news and views....

2007-04-08T11:12:00.000-07:00

The order issued by the Allahabad High Court judge a few days ago, which deemed that Muslims in Uttar Pradesh were no longer entitled to be recognized as a religious minority seemed to have created a storm, especially in the political circles. Muslims constitute roughly 18.5 % of the population of Uttar Pradesh. Now, can 18.5% of a population be considered a minority? And more so if it happens to be 18.5% of a population of about 170 million !!!

Well, if 18.5% is indeed a minority, then I am sure one would agree unanimously that a group constituting 13% of the population indeed has to be deemed a minority, and hence be entitled to 'special' benefits. Unfortunately, that does not appear to be the case if the 13% happens to be a certain community called 'forward caste' in Tamil Nadu. Absurd logic !!

While our politicians were squabbling over minorities, reservations etc., a meeting was conveyed in Brussels to discuss something which was a little more profound. The Intergovernmental Panel on Climate change published its report on the dramatic effects of climate change. However, getting an agreement on each and every word that went into the final report was apparently not the easiest of tasks. Several scientists objected to the editing of the final draft by government negotiators (from 120 countries) . At the end of it some scientists, vowed never to take part in the process again. Governments world over seem to have their own agenda, which sadly is never in line with the agenda of the people they govern.

But the real breaking news of them all was.....any/all news, official and unofficial, emananting from the two day BCCI meeting in Mumbai. Never in the recent past have I seen a event so undeserved gaining so much needless media attention. Most of the news being reported was actually via "media leaks". Wonder how many of them went into the meeting with the sole intention of divulging its details, well not that the discussion was one of military or strategic importance to demand such a shroud of secrecy in the first place.

Of abandoned books...

2007-01-21T21:40:00.000-08:00

Over the last 2 months I attempted reading 4 books, of which 3 of them were unfortunately dumped at various stages of progress. Generally, even if the book that I am reading is unreadable or simply not my type I try to take it to completion, the only notable exception to this rule being 'Fountain Head'. Hence, the last 2 months reveals a disturbing trend indeed. And Oh , please ignore the phrase 'I try to take it to completion', in this blog and any others that I may subsequently post, its just become..well lets say the most repeated phrase in my writing over the last few months.

The first in this series of abandoned books was 'The World is Flat' by Thomas L. Friedman. The book was pretty good till I hit the halfway mark. The chapters on the ten forces that contributed to flattening of the world (in Friedman's opinion) are informative and worth a read. The problem starts immediately after this phase, when he tries to needlessly 'stretch' on the principles that he had stated in the earlier half of the book. I wonder if he had a word limit to adhere too!! In some chapters he even paraphrases and summarizes what was discussed in the chapter, uhmm.. great help if this book is part of your college syllabus, I suppose. (or maybe if you are required to write a quick summary of the book over a weekend.;-) )

Next in line was 'The Duel and Other Stories' by Anton Chekhov. I had heard a lot about Chekhov's short stories and needless to say, I had high expectations from this book. The first 3 short stories were decent enough (not great though), and then I ran into the story titled 'The Duel'. 'The Duel', which is about 100 pages long, was not exactly my idea of a 'short' story. Additionally, I had to contend with a barrage of unpronounceable Russian names. Eventually I gave up. I had most certainly lost this duel.

Felt like I was trailing by two goals in a football match, and I had to stay on in the ground, atleast to make a match of it. 'The Elephant Paradigm' by 'Gurcharan Das' was a tricky opponent right from the start of the match. I thought I knew and understood what was coming, but soon I realized that I didn't. I had my fleeting moments of glory, but was steamrolled by the opposition by half time. As individual essays, the content makes sense, but attempting to connect them logically together into a book seems to have been a bad idea.

And, finally I stumbled upon 'From Beirut to Jerusalem' by Thomas L. Friedman. I am half way through the book, and I am relishing this one, perhaps in part due to my pre-disposition towards middle east politics. I only hope that the second half of the book is not needlessly stretched, making the readers plight more troubled than that of the Israeli forces that invaded Lebanon.

Point to ponder...

2006-11-15T19:08:00.000-08:00

Even the World is flat.......but my tummy ain't :-(

Time for some corrective action.

'Naut' happening...

2006-11-05T22:14:00.000-08:00

Should the Indian astronauts who would be part of India's first manned space mission be termed as 'gaganauts' or should they be 'akashanauts'? I am not sure why this discussion should be in the first page of a newspaper (no prizes for guessing which one) and this discussion seems even more irrelevant once you realize that the first manned mission is a good 4 to 5 years away!!

In a more earthly topic, the 'Kempegowda Tower' was inaugurated at Hudson Circle a few days back. A few hundred years ago, the founder of the city had done the same and his successors think they are contributing in some way to the city by adding one more.

Diwali & rocket science...

2006-10-21T06:35:00.000-07:00

Ask any fresher entering the software industry about the kind of work he would want to do. It would be close to impossible to find an answer devoid of the following words - challenging, cutting edge, research and the likes. Basically it can be summed up in one phrase 'rocket science'......

A few years later, older and wiser, the same software engineer starts counting down the days to diwali, right at the start of the year itself. And why would he do that ? Diwali is a golden opportunity for a software techie to finally realize his aspiration by launching 'rockets' away to glory. No limit on the number of rockets he can launch as he finally gets his quota of 'rocket science'.

Happy diwali everyone !! And in the lines of the famous Swades dialogue, 'Go, launch your rocket'.

Required - Middle East media filter

2006-07-23T07:58:00.000-07:00

Trouble in the middle east again. So what's new this time around ? The same series of actors are taking the centre stage again - Israel, Hezbollah, Hamas, Syria etc etc. They go around their usual business, which is ruining the fragile peace in the region and displacing scores of helpless civilians. If you observe closely, conflict in this region never makes it to the headlines. Conflict is a routine, an everyday event here. It's only when the conflict 'escalates' or violence 'heightens' that it makes it to the news. Crazy !! The world is tired of this nonsense (don't know about the world, atleast I am tired of it)

In fact the only news from this part of the world that should ever deserve attention is, if and when one of the following happens -

The Israelis and the Arabs kiss and make up and propose a toast to celebrate the formation of an independent Palestine .
The Hamas,Hezbollah and co. decide that there is more to life than simply blowing oneself up/blowing others property up for a cause.
Or perhaps the sunnis and shias finally realize that both are infact Muslims at the end of the day.

To state it simply, if the media adhered to the norms stated above you basically wont be hearing about news from the middle east for a long long time.

The complicated bit about media reports from the middle east is deciphering the content that they report and arriving at a logical conclusion. The western media strives to be neutral when they start reporting an incident but as the conflict intensifies its clear that Israel is the good guy taking on the Arab warmongers. Is that really the truth then? Reminds me of the George Carlin quote (source: Pamsy's extensive Carlin collection) - 'Israeli terrorists are called commandos, while the Arab commandos are called terrorists'

I am sure Al-Jazeera or any other Arab channel would project an image completely contrary to what the western media have to say. Heck !! You cant even take sides in this conflict when you don't even know which side is atleast remotely righteous.

Did he or Didn't he ?

2006-06-26T00:41:00.000-07:00

Q: How do you distinguish between those who actually watched a match and those who caught up with the information later on NDTV or Times of India?
A: Difficult, very difficult, especially if you haven't seen the match yourself :-(

From personal experience (being at both ends of this problem) I have observed/developed certain tried and tested techniques and have listed these below:

Technique 1:
Its all about using the jargons and keywords such as awesome pass, brilliant free kick, amazing move etc with Ronaldinho, Klose etc interchangeably. This non controversial, no detail approach works unless the player whose antiques are glorified didn't figure in the squad itself.

Technique 2:
Talk history. Shift the focus to past experiences, previous performances of the player, statistics etc...anything which is not remotely related to the match in question. Confused? Not clear about this technique? Here's an example:
"Lampard played pathetically yesterday" . Now, how do respond to this one?

Simple, heres a sample answer: "He plays amazingly well in EPL. Infact in a certain match against Aston Villa he scored goals from a corner, a free kick and a penalty too. Don't know why he played so badly yesterday.." Ofcourse you got to speak these lines with conviction and passion don't forget that.

Technique 3:

The big picture. Who cares about specifies? So talk about the 'big picture' then. Wondering what the 'big picture' in a match is ? Here is an easy one- "The match yesterday was a blood bath" . The crucial information in the match is that 4 players were sent off. Voila !!! That's it! That all you need to coin the phrase "blood bath".

Will post more observations and techniques as the tournament proceeds.

End of a Gunner dream

2006-05-20T10:34:00.000-07:00

It was the end of a dream. The 76th minute equalizer from Samuel Eto'o left me shattered. Had I been physically present in Stade de France at that very moment, I would have broken down, I am sure of it. As the jubilant Barcelona players ran towards Eto'o to celebrate the equalizer, an ecstatic Barca fan called me up to announce - 'Its all over man'. Yup, it was all over. To use the cliched phrase it was 'Game, set, match Barcelona' from then on. The goal that eventually sealed the match a few minutes later was simply inevitable as the equalizer had already broken the spirit of the Gunners who had battled brave and hard for 70 odd minutes to keep the Barca attack at bay.

Going into the finals, Barcelona were the clear favorites to win the match. As some would say - the difference in 'pedigree' was glaring. Barca probably has the most potent strike force and midfield in Europe at the moment. Hence it would should make logical sense to accept the outcome of the match and move on but somehow this result just didn't seem right. I have seen the Gunners lose before in many a match (especially this season) but the memory of this defeat seems to linger, it seems implausible that the Gunners actually lost the match, it seems impossible to accept the outcome.

The strong emotions seem to stem from the fact that it was Arsenal's best ever performance in Europe. Enroute to the final they had run into some of the powerhouses of European football namely, Real Madrid and Juventus and emerged victorious. They had miraculously gotten past a injury time penalty scare against Villarreal to get to the final. They had not conceded a single goal in ten consecutive Champions league games. Yes, the Gunner fan truly believed that it was a sign from heaven itself- It was the year of the Gunners. Even during the course of the final despite having a player sent off the Gunners managed to sneak ahead, an Arsenal victory just seemed pre-destined.

Alas, as events unfolded the belief and the dream were shattered. To their credit the Gunners showed great spirit and determination in the final, a truly worthy and inspiring performance indeed. They also proved that the likes of Ronaldinho could be marked and checked effectively even when you are a man down. The standard of referring in the match seems to be a talking point but I guess thats part and parcel of the game and no point in making a big issue of it. The cruel part of the entire sending off episode was that the hero of the semi finals Jens Lehmann happened to be at the receiving end of it and also the fact that the substitution for the replacement goalie involved the exit of Robert Pires who was playing his last match for the Gunners, a tragic manner to bid adieu.

Looking forward, Henry is staying put in Arsenal and a whole new bunch of talented players maybe signed up during this summer, positive signs indeed. However I really doubt if the performance next season (or ever in the future),however amazing it might be, would ever emotionally match up to this final in the fact that it would completely convince an Arsenal supporter that the cup was truly destined for Arsenal and Arsenal only.

The Rising Sun..

2006-05-12T01:36:00.000-07:00

The Rising Sun seemed to matter more than the Rising Son (Stalin) for the voters of Tamizh Nadu. Or did anything matter at all ?? Was it a choice between Karunanidhi and Amma? or was it a choice between a stupid promise of free Colour TV's Vs an outrageous one of 4 gms free gold ? Crazy....

Life goes on for us people, no change at all. Change in guard does not mean anything to you and me. Neither would we get the free Colour TV's nor the promised gold... :-)

Election Freebies...

2006-04-20T21:56:00.000-07:00

We have heard of election campaigns in the past promising free electricity or free water for farmers (whether they are feasible or not if implemented is another issue). For the first time however there is an election campaign that promises a free Colour TV for everyone !!!! Yes, a TV and this 'brilliant' idea has been proposed by the none other than the DMK supremo Karunanidhi.

Of all things, why a TV ?? Maybe he wants everyone to sit and watch Sun TV !! Yeah, but the TV doesn't run on air it requires something called 'electricity'. I think he completely forgot about that point or does he live under the impression that all villages in Tamil Nadu have power supply in the first place ?? (forget 24 hrs power supply, thats a luxury by current standards).

Well he didnt stop with just this one 'amazing' TV idea. Next, he came up with a Rs 2/Kg rice promise !! 'Amma' (JJ) laughed this idea off as being infeasible only to come up with an even more crazier idea of distributing 10 Kg of free rice to ration card holders!!

Really, there ought to be some provision in the constitution which bans parties from making such crazy promises. Instead of emptying the coffers of the state with such infeasible promises, the politicans should realize that if employement is guaranteed for everyone, the poor could purchase the rice and TV(someday) themselves without any subsidy from the state. Employement for everyone ? Now, that seems to be a distant dream in India......

Hamara Bajaj....

2006-04-10T22:20:00.000-07:00

Bajaj is not just 'hamara' anymore. Gaongqing Union Auto Co, a Chinese company has come up with a imitation of Bajaj's well known CNG autorickshaws. Well that's the standard Chinese business model - first come up with an imitation, mass produce it and then sell it at very competitive prices till the original is driven out of the market itself. At a first glance this case seems to be on expected lines, however there is a shrewder twist to it. The Chinese company is marketing the imitation model as 'China made Bajaj autorickshaws'. Liberally using the brandname without paying any royalty or having any kind of tie up with Bajaj.

Bajaj's reaction is on expected lines. Bajaj plans to take up this matter with the Chinese authorities but one wonders whether anything would come out of it. As a industry analyst was quoted saying - "It's a country that thrives on copycats, where even global brands like General Motors and Yamaha have not been able to stop sales of copies of their vehicles . It wont be easy for Bajaj either". Uhmm.... so what is the Chinese word for Hamara?

God helpline ??

2006-04-02T21:53:00.000-07:00

While aimlessly surfing channels over the weekend I happened to notice an announcement in a evangelist channel regarding a certain '24 hour prayer helpline'. What exactly is a 24 hour prayer helpline? Do you call up and listen to some religious sermons/hymns being played? Or is it a means by which you explain your problem and ask others to pray for you? I am not quite sure. Nonetheless, there must be someone on the other end who has to attend your call, uhmm... a call center to handle this too? Was watching with rapt attention when non-Indian evangelists were preaching, just to see if the telephone numbers listed were Indian, curious to see if outsourcing happens in this holy area too...

The meaningless surfing did finally run into some worthwhile information in one of the channels which happened to be showing the life of Dalai Lama. Apparently, he is one of the few leading religious heads who honestly believes that people of other faiths and practices too can have their place in heaven (if such a place did exist) i.e. they don't have to be necessarily Buddhist to get there. The feature also provided some insight about the great man, his sense of humour and his fascination for science and scientific breakthroughs, unlike other religious heads who are skeptical about science in general.

Time pass...

2006-03-29T01:17:00.000-08:00

He's had a heavy lunch, he's feeling sluggish. A strong coffee and maybe something to read would help him shake off the lethargy. He decides to walk across to the coffee corner to get some coffee and read the newspaper. He doesn't expect to find the newspaper there, its not been there for a month. His instinct was right, he doesn't find the newspaper. He wonders why? Maybe some cost cutting idea. Nah, he rubbishes that thought, ain't make any economical sense to save Rs 10/day. He rakes his sleepy brain to find out a plausible reason. He arrives at one - maybe some HR policy to increase productivity by decreasing such supposedly 'timepass' activities. Sigh...He walks back to his seat, he decides to blog instead......

What's in a name?

2006-03-27T20:20:00.000-08:00

So what's in a name? Nothing much, but if your name happens to be sullied by a T.V advert then your name could be worth a crore. That's the case with a certain 11 year old from Chandigarh who happens to have the name Hari. Hari is apparently distraught over the fact that his name or rather the name 'HARI' has been thrashed around in a TV advert and since he cannot take the 'harassment' of his classmates anymore he has decided to sue the company being advertised for a sum amounting to one crore.

Amazing case, you can sue someone/anyone for all this in India too !! Man, this is cool, its just as democratic as the U.S,.........My take on this - its utter nonsense. Yes in the U.S you can do all this, but I am not sure if you can walk into a crowded pub, shoot someone and walk away scot-free. The judiciary in our country is overburdened with much more important cases that require to be addressed immediately that such trivial cases should not even be entertained. The media ofcourse has done its bit by giving this case unwanted and unwarranted publicity, like there is no other damn news to report in this world.

If this case really deserves attention, then on the same lines should radiocity be sued for Appu Kuttan uncle series ? or any of the numerous adverts that thrive on sardarji jokes be taken to court? Why not? Its not just one individual in such a case, its an entire community. It could be sued on the lines that it could cause regional/communal tension you know..;-)

And finally my only advice to Hari. Its much better than a kid who had Chetan Sharma has his name in the late 80's or some kid unfortunate enough to a have a name like George Bush or Osama today. Uhmm.. maybe parents when naming their kids ought to spell well known names a little differently, just as an pre-emptive measure :-)

The Fatwa of Fatwas

2006-03-15T21:09:00.000-08:00

A couple of days ago muslim clerics in Lucknow and Varanasi issued a fatwa denouncing terrorist attacks on religious places. So for once we get to hear about a Fatwa that does not advocate murder of an author or editor and instead conveys an idea of peace and tolerance. I find the idea of issuing this fatwa in particular as a great concept. Most terrorists and religious zealots believe that they have a religious license to go about their business of hate . Atleast, now they know that their divine license is not accepted in every corner of the world.

The clerics who issued this fatwa based their on pronouncement on a specific directive in Quran which states that killing of an innocent person was a murder of the entire humanity. It is about time that saner elements of the now much maligned and universally misinterpreted religion found their voice and expressed their views on various incidents and happenings. I guess, that's the only way to contain 'Islamophobia' that is sweeping across the non-islamic world.

Found a few snippets about the concept of fatwas in general on Wikipedia, have listed them below:

"Contrary to what is believed by many non-Muslims, and even by the majority of Muslims, a fatwa is not binding on all persons professing the Muslim faith. The only ones who are obliged to obey any specific fatwa are the mufti who issued it and his followers."

"Because Islam has no centralized priestly hierarchy, there is no uniform method to determine who can issue a valid fatwa and who cannot, and upon whom such fatwas are binding. Some Islamic scholars complain that too many people feel qualified to issue fatwas."

Holy Mess...

2006-03-07T20:24:00.000-08:00

Tony Blair in an recent TV interview claimed that it was the hand of God that propelled him into attacking Iraq and overthrowing Saddam. Apparently, conscience and God's will convinced him the he had to put an end to the tyranny in Iraq and free the people of the country.

One wonders where his conscience and God's will disappears when it comes to intervening in Sudan or Palestine or stepping in to overthrow other dictators and oppressors worldwide. Or maybe Iraq is God's favorite or maybe God likes trading in Oil too, that's why he gave his special consent to Blair. If it is God's will indeed, then what is the difference between a Jihad and this invasion, after all a Jihad is launched in God's name and supposedly with God's consent too.

This statement of Blair has drawn a lot of flak from all quarters in Britain, especially from the families of soldiers who have been personally affected by the war. The funniest comment in this whole issue came from an atheist who said he was inclined to believe Mr. Blair because no man alone could have created such a big mess as Iraq "without a little divine help!"..:-)

250 years....

2006-02-27T02:41:00.000-08:00

You hear it in calling bells; you hear it being played in shops and malls. You hear it on the T.V and the radio, songs and advertisements inspired by or blatantly drawing from the rich collection of his works. You may not even recognize it or realize it but you cannot deny the influence of Mozart in your life.

Though Mozart didn't live long enough (passed away at the age of 35), his influence would live on forever.

Cartoon Hungama

2006-02-20T05:41:00.000-08:00

Much has been said and written about the controversial 'prophet' cartoons. If freedom of expression is everyone’s right in Europe, would someone in Denmark publishing a cartoon depicting a mob beating up the Danish Prime Minister be let scot-free? Well after all he is just stating his point of view using his European birthright - freedom of expression.

In the entire infamous 'clash of civilizations' debate a couple of arguments stood out.

On one of the panels an excitable American journalist accused the Arab world of 'overreacting' by boycotting Danish products. An Arab on the panel calmly replied, 'And the Americans were patriotic when they boycotted French Fries (in the aftermath of the French decision of not joining the war in Iraq)

This one was a stunner - The chief cultural editor of the now famous/infamous Danish daily was on this panel. A religious Muslim in the panel asked him if his paper had ever published any cartoon making fun of Christians or Jews. The response was - "Yes, sometime ago we did publish a cartoon depicting Ariel Sharon killing Palestinian babies". The person who raised the question was infuriated and commented - "It’s not the same thing, Sharon is a human being. It’s not the same as drawing a cartoon of the prophet". The editor replied, seemingly with all the conviction in the world - "In our culture it is considered a bigger insult if someone makes fun of a living or existing being". Needless to say, the panel and the audience were speechless for a couple of minutes.

The age old quote which states that 'Every right comes with a degree of responsibility' holds, with regards to this controversy atleast.

Charity ?

2006-02-14T20:14:00.000-08:00

I happened to notice a van of a prominent organization (cult?, some people consider it to be one) involved in a mid-day meals distribution program for underprivileged school children. The promo line for the donation scheme displayed on the van read, "Feeding a hungry child is not charity, its your social responsibility".

Can't help but agree with that line.

Great Escape...

2006-02-13T02:04:00.000-08:00

A weekend spent far away from the troubles of the real world. The weekend trip to Devbagh was peaceful and refreshing indeed.

Advertisements...

2006-02-08T19:48:00.000-08:00

Swapnasundari wearing maxi,

Getting out of a yellow taxi.

She enters a club,

Pagal ho gaye sab.

Surprisingly she chooses me...

Is that a pen in your pocket Mister?

blah blah ..(some incorrigible stuff)

I am very very sorry sexy,

Now every pocket in the city has got a lexi.

Oh No !! Oh No !!

Now every pocket in the city has got a lexi.

Oh No !! Oh No !!

And, if the lines mentioned above ain't make any sense to you, don't worry. It simply means that you have spared from listening to FM. Its a pen advert. which torments FM listeners (both the enthusiastic ones as well as those who have no choice) every 15-20 mins. The advert is as lengthy as some of the tracks played on the station itself !!

If the sole idea of advertising is simply to ensure that the audience remember the name of the product without any concern as to whether they would associate anything positive about the product after listening to the advertisement, then this and a few others, notably Airtel's Paaji-Kyaji nonsense have succeeded in their endeavor.

10,000+

2006-02-06T21:45:00.000-08:00

Sensex goes past the 10,000 mark and the bull run continues. Infact the bull has not even paused to catch some breath in the last six months. Sehr Gut !!!

Bracelona's winning streak finally comes to an end. This gives Valencia and Real Madrid who are 9 and 10 points respectively behind the leaders atleast a chance to catch up. Situation in La Liga is better than EPL in which the battle is only for the (remaining) Champions League spots, the title race is all but over.

Our new CM has declared that he would inspect Bangalore roads and infrastructure even at night. People, gear up to face traffic jams in the middle of the night too !!

Movies and a football match...

2006-02-05T21:40:00.000-08:00

Saw a couple of movies over the weekend. Started the weekend with 'The French Connection'. Great movie. The best part in the movie is the sequence in which Gene Hackman tries to tail the French drug dealer and every time that guy somehow manages to give him the slip. The climax is simply superb.

And the weekend ended with Rang De Basanti. Good movie by its own standing and a great movie if you compare it to the likes of those churned out by the Yash Chopra's and Karan Johar's of the industry. In terms of technical aspects - camera work etc, it is one of the best that I have ever seen in a Bollywood movie. However, they could have done away with some of the typical 'national integration' kind of scenes in the movie e.g. Aslam and Lakshman holding hands while dying. More on the movie later.

And in the midst of all this, happened to watch Chelsea beat Liverpool. The scoreline was 2-0. Could have well been 4-0, had the legimate Crespo goal not been ruled offside and if the 'never say die' Steven Gerrard hadn't made the last minute tackle to stop a brilliant Robben run. Chelsea firmly on course to yet another EPL title.

What NOW ?

2006-02-01T20:17:00.000-08:00

Was peacefully dozing away in the shuttle yesterday evening. Suddenly, the noise of glass being smashed and something breaking abruptly ended my sleep and brought me back to the real world. It took me a moment or two to realize that the sound was from the speakers blaring out radio city. Then, there was this deep voice that announced 'when was the last time a news channel had this effect on you?'. I wondered if the sounds that preceded the announcement symbolized the frustration of the poor TV viewer, assuming ofcourse that the news broadcast in this channel would be as meaningless as the news that they print everyday. I don't think there is anything to assume in that, I guess.

Josh ??

2006-01-26T22:05:00.000-08:00

I am standing in this long line and I see a balloon being passed around at frightening speed. Soon enough it reaches me. I am supposed to pass the damn thing over my head and give it to the guy behind me, who incidentally is shouting furiously, "pass it fast man, fast....". I pass it on soon enough, more out of fear of the shouting mob than any personal involvement. Finally, the guy at the end of the line grabs the balloon and dashes forward to give it to the anchor who shouts out "And 6 points to xyz team"... a loud cheer goes up and I see people giving high fives to one another !!!

A few minutes later the anchor kicks off another contest. The objective - to make the longest link/rope using only ones belts and shoe laces. Ofcourse, the team which performs best would get 6 points.....Wow, exciting !!!! The minute the word 'Go' was announced everyone was busy taking off their belt and shoe laces, while I was standing there worried about whether my pant would fall the moment the belt was taken off. While I stood there contemplating this genuine worry, the others had eagerly taken off their belt and laces and had formed a link. Ya, it looked impressive, but they needed more belts to get the 6 points you know. I heard the same furious shouting "pass it fast man, fast...." and I knew the moment had arrived, I had to part with my belt. The shoe lace however stayed, simply because I knew there was no way I could ever thread it back through the complicated maze of holes if I took it out.

More of such 'amazing' contests were held before a much needed break was announced. Over coffee I realized that my friends were also as 'enthusiastic' as I was. However, the unanimous conclusion was that my 'enthusiasm' and 'spirit' were a class apart. Infact, one of them even remarked that I was the most cynical guy he had ever met. Uhmmm...something had to be done, before things got worse for me (or for the others who had to put up with me, whichever way you look at it).

After the break, I decided to get close to scene of action with the sole intention of observing what each one was upto and was hoping to discover the source of their unlimited energy and enthusiasm. After 'intense' research, based on parameters such as energy levels, enthusiasm levels and activities involved, I managed to draw up the following classification of the team:

Top 10% - To state it simply, they don't belong to this universe, let alone this planet. Whether an activity involved blowing a balloon or blowing oneself up, they would be the first to rush onto the stage to do it. They don't let factors like common sense, self esteem etc. unnecessarily inhibit them in anyway. When the anchor called for the 'manliest guy' or 'most talented man' from each team to come onto the stage these guys would be already there, well before the anchor was done with his announcement. Even if the announcement had been for the 'dumbest guy' to come onto the stage, they would have raced to stage, nobody/nothing can stop them.
The next 20 % - Yes, this group belongs to this universe atleast. These guys don't like running onto the stage for anything and everything but they like to exhibit their latent energy whenever there is an incentive involved. Now, the incentive could be something as small as a toffee to something as 'enormous' in magnitude as six points to their team, its only the incentive factor that counts.
The next 50 % - Needless to say they constitute the masses. They only love the cheering and shouting part of any activity. They come very handy in contests such as, 'Which team can make most noise ?'. They love to shout 'come on man...', 'pass it fast..' and things like that, as long the ball, balloon or whatever is not with them or the activity does not involve them at all.
The rest - Well, they pretend to be involved in the whole thing, but wonder from time to time 'What the hell am I doing here?'. Without a hint of doubt, I belong to this category of lucid thinkers - they who have seen reality and know that life is more than just 6 points to your team.;-) (What else did you expect me to say about my fellow brethren in my blog ??..:-))

Jokes apart, we did attempt an introspection afterwards and swiftly concluded that the games and scoring system didn't correspond to our line of interest. '6 points to the team that dashes to lunch first?' or maybe '6 points to the team that comes in last after a break?' , now, those would have been games worth looking forward to. Well anyway who cares?As the age old tagline goes 'We are like this only'.. :-)

The Great Farce and The Great Escape

2006-01-18T21:37:00.000-08:00

Yet another chaos in state politics. So what's new about it? Only that, this time politics in the state has reached new lows. It cant get lower than this (or so, most of us hope).

Mid 2004 is when the farce started. S.M Krishna was the CM before the elections, everyone presumed that he would be the C.M once again if the Congress won. But well it didn't happen that way. Krishna packed his bags and moved on to become a governor and the new C.M was Dharam Singh. I guess most people (atleast those in B'lore) would not have had even the remotest idea about the existence of someone called Dharam Singh. I wonder how many would have even voted for the Congress in B'lore if they knew about the C.M they would have after the polls. The crazy coalition with JD-(S) did nobody no good. There was bickering over the cabinet posts. BATF and other initiatives to improve the infrastructure of the city were a thing of the past and only the word of Deve Gowda was the final judgment on the growth and infrastructure of the city and the state. Oh , we also had a deputy CM who was there for about a year till he was unceremoniously sent packing and replaced by well, a 'prominent' figure in state politics.....heck what's his name?

The final act of the farce is what is being enacted right now. Deve Gowda's son breaking away with a sizeable number of MLA's and attempting to form a government with the BJP, yes the same 'communal force' that he had promised to combat at the time of the elections. Just think about the number of voters (none from b'lore surely) belonging to those certain castes and religions who had voted for JD-(S) in the sincere belief that it would preserve their interests and never join hands with the BJP. The very vote of these gullible people is what is now helping to form the new coalition. Wonder what the value of their vote is then. Politicians, yet again have taken them for one big ride.

Saw the Great escape, yet again yesterday. I have lost count of the number of times I have seen this movie. It surely has to be one of the best WW-II movies. Each of the characters - 'Cooler king', 'Tunnel king', 'The Scournger', ''Big X', The Forger' etc are simply unforgettable in their own way. The best dialogue in the movie is when at the time of leaving the escape tunnel, looking at the oversized bag that 'The Manufacturer' (Louis) is carrying with him, someone comments 'You wont get very far with this bag'. Ironically, Louis is one of the few POW's who manages to escape successfully to safety.

And life goes on...

2006-01-05T20:13:00.000-08:00

It was an emotional evening, to say the least. My guide and role model had to finally pack his bags and leave, heading south east in search of new challenges. He preferred to seek out new challenges instead of 'coasting around' (as he would describe it). Kudos to him. He would be flying in, once a month or so but I guess it would never be the same. Life would never be the same again.

On a less emotional note, a word of advice, if you are going all the way to see off your near and dear ones in the international departures area, don't bother buying a ticket and getting in. They have erected this big barrier, a good distance away from the main door leading to the check in area, visitors are expected to stand behind this barricade and talk to the ones whom they come to see off. Looks more like a scene in a prison. Security reasons, they claim, and they have the cheek to charge 60 bucks for this 'facility'.

Got back home and tried to divert my mind with something else. Listened to some Mozart for sometime, I don't have an extensive collection of his works or anything, but the few tracks that I listen to (over and over again) have their desired effect, they give me peace of mind and calm me down.

Finally through with reading Shalimar the clown. Was a worthwhile read. Peace still remains an illusion in the troubled valley....

Sex and Sleaze...

2005-12-22T20:46:00.000-08:00

Now that I have managed to attract your attention with a title like that , I can quite frankly tell you that the content that follows has absolutely no connection with the title. If movie makers and novelists can get away with irrelevant titles, so can I. Anyway, since you have invested some time in reading upto this point you can jolly well read the whole damn thing. Infact you'd better the whole damn thing 'cause I'm in a very bad mood today, I can't tolerate such rudeness.

I had lined up a whole lot of personal action items to finish up in the last couple of days and sadly I am nowhere near completing them. The recent flow of events seems to resemble the IBM 'on-demand business' advertisement - forced to operate on 'change of plans'. So what is the backup/change plan? Its one big prhhhhhhhhhhhhhhffff (as my 'kollegen' would describe it) . No idea. Ja Ja...it can be quite frustrating.

Ok I had enough of it, let me talk about something else.

Was listening to Sean Paul's 'We be burning', rather I keep listening to that damn song these days - "Everyday we be burnin not concernin what nobody wanna say". Brilliant !! Yup at one point in my life I used to appreciate Lennon for his lyrics. No clue how I started liking this kind of stuff (more of my recent favorites would shock a music loving reader, hence am not disclosing them). Used to be a time (mid way through my college years) when I used to be very select about the stuff I listened to. Uhmmm...gone are those days. I console myself saying that I have become 'broad minded' (auto suggestion always makes one feel better..;-)).

On the reading front, ya the picture is much better. Currently reading Salman Rushdie's - Shalimar the Clown. I am a slow reader (painfully slow infact), reached the half way mark in the book now, quite clearly like what I have read up to now. A fictional tale woven around real events and places. Its got my favorite combination - politics + history in it. Yup, I like this stuff.

The sensex has been been raising and raising, reaching levels that were supposed be reached only a few years down the line. Wondering if the next big crash is just around the corner.

Incidentally, our close pal Mr. SooperKop might be heading to the cold lands(at the coldest possible time..;-)). Had a big long discussion, starting with a walk yesterday night (or rounds as he calls it) and finally concluding in the shuttle today - convinced him that Paris is place to go over in free weekend that he has. Personally, SooperKop is hurt, yet to recover from the fact that his football team was re-christened as SooperCops (by blasphemous Jalwa fans) in a recent football tournament. SooperCops, Sanghliana's very own team eh ?? hehe

Thats enough for the day. Nothing more to write about, the foul mood has vanished. The world has been saved from the wrath of Akilles...:-)

8000 and rising......

2005-09-18T00:14:00.000-07:00

Going by its behavior in the recent past, the Sensex should be dubbed as the 'Sensational' Index. The BSE-Sensex soaring past the 8000 mark made media headlines in the country. Views and concerns expressed about the Sensex gaining more than 3000 points in a span of a mere one and half years dominated the editorials of many a newspaper and magazine. The message seemed loud and clear - the economy is flourishing, India Inc. is all set to take on the world.

Honestly, I have no clue as to how all this translates into economic growth or trickles down to development in villages etc. Hell, I don't even know how it affects me. Apart from a certain amount of investment parked in a few equity funds and Unit linked plans, I see no monetary gain in this booming stock exchange. IPO's came, IPO's went, none seemed to affect me in anyway. I somehow seem to shy away from the entire concept of investing directly in stocks and shares, let alone being a market player.

Its not that I am totally dumb (I am quite close, but not yet there) and wouldn't understand anything about the market. Is it then a lack of interest? I am not sure. I don't mind knowing for the sake of general knowledge atleast, some eco and fin principles, such as the ones pertaining to Interest Rates, Oil prices, Dipping Dollar etc. I wouldn't go and look for books or material on these, but if it came my way I wouldn't be averse to reading it. But somehow when it comes to investments and managing personal finances, I don't seem too keen on gaining any knowledge.

Many a time, I have tried convincing myself that monitoring market investments requires a lot of time. I have seen colleagues spending office time, logging on and tracking the markets through IndiaBulls, ShareKhan and other such similar sites . I felt it was in some manner unprofessional and I shouldn't emulate them. Well I soon realized that my argument has no basis unless I first stopped activities such as surfing soccernet, reading others blogs, checking personal mails etc during office hours.

Or is it simply because I feel good by taking on the moral high ground of not being overly attached with money, I wonder. It feels good, but is such an attitude even remotely practical? My friend always states a Seinfeld quote in such discussions - 'I don't want my money to work for me, I'd rather work for my money'. A cool attitude to have I guess, if you happen to rake in a million or more (like Seinfeld) every week.:-)

TheRum Chronicles

2005-09-15T08:35:00.000-07:00

TheRum, the overlord of a city which claims to be 'Mahanagara', comes up with unique and innovative ideas to solve the infrastructure problems that plague the city. Here are some of the pearls of wisdom uttered by him over the week:

Before anyone could bring up the topic of infrastructure(or the lack of it), he diverted the topic, taking off on a different tangent altogether by making this profound statement - IT sector should hire more locals. Profound indeed, politically. Don't know how its going to solve anybodys problem though.

When questioned about his governments supposed 'lack of infrastructure focus', he brushed the topic aside. Claimed that top IT heads have actually thanked him for starting work on the Devanahalli airport. uhmm..Wouldn't it be great if your client/customer calls you after each line of code you type in and thanks you for it. They bloody hell don't, 'cause you are expected to do it, that's your goddamn job. The gratitude would be heartfelt and more meaningful if the Devanahalli airport turns out to be even remotely like a Changi terminal.

Apparently he is finalizing a 'Rs 491 crore Hi Tech City'. Probably he is establishing a new city itself !!

Showering the BCC commissioner with praises he remarked - 'I wish he continues working like this day and night'. Duh? I think most of us would be relieved if BCC works in the first place, let alone working all day and night.

Ah, but the remark of the week came from the Governor. Remarking on the infrastructure of the city he stated 'I am worried'. But I guess I would be more worried if the Governor takes out a cavalcade to inspect the city's problems and ends up causing a mamoth traffic jam in the process.

Traffic Woes...

2005-09-01T10:03:00.000-07:00

A year ago my company shuttle used to pick me up at 8:05 A.M and end up in office by 9:00 A.M. But these days, it would be nothing short of a miracle if my shuttle reaches office before 9:30 A.M. A couple of days ago it reached office as late as 10:00, a mere 20 minutes before the 'late shuttles' operating from other areas turned up. If the 'Mysore-Bangalore' expressway is built (if and ever it is built) I think I would reach Mysore in lesser time than I reach Whitefield. Maybe a day in the future, if the traffic situation keeps worsening, it might well takes months to reach my office in whitefield and by the time I get out of the shuttle I would have enough hair to be counted as a Sai Baba look alike in Whitefield.

Just as every Survivor of a genocide pogrom would clearly remember till his last days, the concentration camp he or she was posted to, there is one particular place en route to office that would be forever etched in my memory. It gives me nightmares and would haunt me for the rest of my life - Welcome to KR Puram bridge, Welcome to hell.

Take a look at this marvel of engineering:

A suspension bridge eh ?, pretty impressive, but have a look at the scene below the bridge (the road leading to ITPL)

Uhmm....sorry I couldn't get a pic of that scene. Trust me, it looks much worse than the chaos depicted in the picture. Krishna Raja Puram (KR Puram) bridge should be re-christened as Yama Raja Puram bridge. Would be a much more apt name for this hellish place.

Anyways, fellow citizens the situation would soon be under control. Nothing to fear as our 'able' leaders are working 'relentlessly' towards finding a solution for the traffic problem. Lead by 'TheRum' Singh they visited New Delhi a few days back to assess the metro rail system there. Good system in place, they seemed to concur. Uhmm.. but maybe Kolkata has a better Metro rail system, or perhaps Paris has the best system in place, surely our leaders would even travel 'all the way' to Paris for this cause.

Well in anycase, the CM or the deputy CM (err what's his name?,,,does it even matter?) cannot take the big decision themselves without the seal of approval from a certain ex-PM. His engineering 'acumen' and 'vision' is required in deciding which form of mass transit system is the best suited for our city. Metro gets his favor one day, sadly it is abandoned a few days later in favor of ELRTS,which in turn is unceremoniously dumped for something else. Offcourse, his argument is valid, the best form of mass transit has to be 'economically feasible', economically feasible for whom I wonder?

Adventures of Electric Man - Part I

2005-08-01T10:18:00.000-07:00

On what should have been a typically tranquil weekend in Vijayanagar, cries of distress emanate from the neighborhood cable operator's office.

V'nagar Cable Op: H.Q we have a problem. Come in H.Q
H.Q Chief cable Op: H.Q to post. Roger.
V'nagar Cable Op: We have a crisis on our hands. I repeat we have a crisis on our hands.
H.Q Chief cable Op: What is the problem?
V'nagar Cable Op: The clarity of the cable channels is deteriorating rapidly. The subscribers are demanding a solution to the problem.
H.Q Chief cable Op: Post, have you performed all the routine checks and steps prescribed in the manual?
V'nagar Cable Op: Affirmative, performed a thorough check down to the last amplifier.
H.Q Chief cable Op: Are you sure?
V'nagar Cable Op: The subscribers are going to storm the post soon. Over and out.

H.Q Chief cable Op: Crew, we are faced with a serious situation here. Only one person can help us out now.
Crew at the H.Q: And who would that be sir? Abdul Kalam?
H.Q Chief cable Op: No the solution is much closer home. Gowda (his secretary) connect me to hotline of The Electric Man.........

In an underground garage filled with the most complex circuitry and overflowing with state of the art transistors, chips and the works, a phone in the corner rings ....

Tring tring !!!
Electric Man: Hal-lo
H.Q Chief cable Op: I am really sorry to disturb you sir.
Electric Man: That's fine, no problem.
H.Q Chief cable Op: Hope I have not disturbed you in the middle of a chip fabrication procedure.

Electric Man: I don't do serious work on weekends. I was just taking a break. Indulging in one my favorite hobbies.
H.Q Chief cable Op: Oh, I am surprised that you find time for hobbies despite your hectic schedule. So were you in the middle of a book or a game of golf?
Electric Man: Oh no, I was in the middle of mixing Ethanol, Methanol, Osmium and Compound X (it doesn't have name yet, since Electric Man formulated it only a couple of hours ago)
H.Q Chief cable Op: Oh ...Err. Well sir we have a major situation in Vijaynagar. Apparently it ...
(Electric man cuts him off halfway through the sentence)
Electric man. I know the problem and only I have the solution. I will be there right away. Tell your crew to breathe easy.

Electric Man grabs his weapon of choice, The digital multimeter, and dashes to the scene of the action.
At the Cable Op's office.....

V'nagar Cable Op: Help, Electric Man help.
Electric Man: Have you performed all the routine checks?
V'nagar Cable Op: yes yes I have. I swear I have.
Electric Man: uhmmm.......(looks around). Did you increase the gain of the amplifier?
V'nagar Cable Op: Would that work?

Electric Man Slaps the Cable op.
Electric Man: off course it would you moron. I suppose you studied only from Krishna Xerox notes, that explains your poor understanding of fundamentals.

Electric Man goes ahead and increases the gain.
V'nagar Cable Op: It works. It works. Its a miracle.

He turns around to thank Electric Man. But the superhero has vanished.

Background Chorus:

Electric Man, Electric Man,

Friendly neighborhood Electric Man

Nobel and Marconi

He's ignored

Electronics is his reward.

To him, life is a great big circuit

Whenever there's a hang up

You'll find the Electric Man.

Coming soon - Electric Man & the ground point problem and much much more ..stay tuned

Education for all - A distant dream?

2005-07-14T10:33:00.000-07:00

The government of the day finally promises to make primary education a fundamental right for children. A promise like this, after more than 50 years of independence seems a little too late in the day, yet such is the state of affairs of education in our country that this is hailed as a big event and makes it on all news channels (oh, offcourse it figures well after the main Salman Vs Ash headlines grabber). To turn this promise into something concrete, into reality, a meeting of all states is conveyed and as expected the states fail to reach a consensus with the centre. In case you are wondering what is holding the sates back, it is the lack of adequate finance (or so they claim) to fund this education project. Well, the states have to rake up finances for metro rails, expressways, IT Parks etc u see, so how can they waste their money on non glamorous education projects?

The lousiest remark of the day had to be this one "I have told the Central government that as it is we are special category states and we won't be able to provide even one rupee towards education reform" - Assam Chief Minister. Brilliant remark indeed!!! Truly,brings out his immense commitment to the cause. Well unfortunately in our country education is in the hands of uneducated fools, what can one really expect from these specimens.

One of the fastest growing economies in the world, special invitee to G-8 summit, grandiose visions of India 2020 etc, sounds great indeed but what's use is it if we none of these benefit the vast majority (urban India does not constitute the whole of India) who are still deprived of the very basics amenities of life.

The Free Factor

2005-07-03T08:11:00.000-07:00

Had been to a shop with my friend. While he was busy paying for the purchases at the cash counter I was looking around and happened to notice this book titled 'City Information'. The book contained some info about Bangalore, about places to see, hotels, a map etc. To remark that the information in the book was basic or minimal would be an understatement. I have a book for each of the above mentioned categories , hotels, maps etc at home. I would never have thought of picking up this book, until the salesperson in the shop uttered the magic words 'It is free'. Immediately I picked up not just one but two copies of this book. No thinking involved, just pure reflex action when I heard the word 'free'.

Each and every working day of the week, sharp at 5:45 PM I get these uncontrollable 'hunger pangs'. The desire to eat at this time has absolutely no correlation with however much or however little I had for lunch. Nothing can stop me from having the snacks served in the canteen, not even if the snacks was 'Akki Roti', something that I really do not enjoy eating. Uhmm..so what really is the mysterious force that causes the hunger pangs and propels me to the canteen? No prizes for guessing, its the magic word 'free' again. I wonder if I ever was mentally conditioned to believe that 'Free snacks' is meant to be devoured even if its a oil slick like Poori or Channa Batura.

I am trying (and I trying really hard) to recollect the last time that I actually witnessed the muhurtham of a marriage or the pooja of house warming ceremony or the main event of any ceremony or a function. However, I was present at every marriage or ceremony on time to have lunch or dinner. I can always come up with excuses, I was busy at work, tight deadlines etc etc. But despite all these odds I somehow managed to make it for the food. Strangely, I have convinced myself that this kind of behaviour is perfectly acceptable.

Though there could be 'n' number of people exhibiting the same traits I shall steer clear of any controversy by not generalizing this behaviour as being omnipresent in our society. I sometimes ponder over it but I eventually do nothing to change this lure of the 'free factor'.

Tam Time

2005-06-28T09:59:00.000-07:00

Any sarcasm in the blog is completely intentional.

I am trying to list out a few 'most captivating' aspects of tamil cinema. These surely and really captivate me so much that I want to see (or hear) them over and over again.

Madhavan's Dance: Maddy's dance moves would surely put the finest of Ballet dancers to shame. In my humble opinion his artistic finesse is really showcased in the 'Vaada machan' song from the movie Run. Stunning absolutely!! Wonder why no one has told him yet that there is a difference between jumping, attempting to dance and actually dancing itself.
Shivaji & Co. belting out dialogues in English: Oh my Gaaaaaaaaad !!! You bloody blaagarrd!! The class of the 50's and 60's were really a class apart. However, there were those like the one and only Kaadhal Manan Gemini who was way ahead of his times singing hip and happening songs like 'oh oh enthan Baby..' way back then. Who would have thought at that time that words like baby (and its derivatives) would be the coolest thing to use in a song.
The phenom called Udith Narayan: A real threat to the survival of any of the South Indian languages. Trust me, language is really no barrier for this guy. Well, when you choose not to concern yourself overly with pronunciations you can sing not just in Tamil but even end up singing effortlessly in French or Spanish.
CAPTAIN: Oh yes, how can any discussion about tamil movies not talk about this Superman? Given his bulk, walking or jogging might appear gravity defying, but his stunning fight sequences break all known laws of gravity. Given his terrific physique and fitness, the way he jumps around and dodges bullets convinces me that he is 'The One'; move away Neo. If you ever happen to see Captain along with a character called Prabhu in one shot on the screen you can be rest assured that you have seen the 'special effect' moment of the century.

Well there's much more to write about, but I am feeling too sleepy to continue. More on my most cherished moments of tamil cinema later. Yawn.... 'Kindal, ennaku tamizhla pudikatha vaarthai' ;-)

Sunday Bloody Sunday....

2005-06-26T11:18:00.000-07:00

I have lost count as to the number of people I have let down today. I cant use the general term "people" to refer to them, they are much than that. A whole lot of action items ranging from booking movie tickets to railway station drop to dentist appointment to filing tax returns, were lined up for the day (some cropped up during the course of the day). At the end of the day thanks to my 'inaction' these still remain as open action items (oh no... I am sounding like a typical s/w engg now). Well, but the affected parties were gracious enough to accept my apologizes. I am happy that they didn't sound like a certain person in a certain notorious mail chain whose famous dialogue was 'You may apologize but I will not apologize you' ;-). Well, I guess instead of referring others for time management and priority management courses, its high time I attended a few of them myself.

The Modest God....

2005-06-18T22:44:00.000-07:00

1997, NPS Auditorium:
"The school topper in physics is Sridhar Raman"...Applause !! A few minutes later...
"And the school topper in Maths is Sridhar Raman"....Thunderous Applause !!!
Toooo much !! Sounds awesome eh? Well our hero didn't stop there, over the years he brutally murdered every single competitive exam that came his way. CAT, in particular was thrashed twice by this very person.

Well fits the image of a typical nerdy first bencher right? Nope, the last thing this dude would do is sit in the first bench or hang out with any of those jerks in the first bench (sorry, I have no decent words to describe people who occupy the first row in college). Boasting or showing off about his achievements is simply beyond this guy. uhmm.. he does show off, about trivial things like the fact that he is a cusp (How can I forget that dialogue...What am I today, a Gemini or a Cancerian?) or his high scores in NBA, FIFA or some such thing. Kudos to this modest super achiever !!

Right now Chilli is in a phase of his life where he believes he is 'The One', the God who is destined for a higher cause. The God who would enlighten the ignorant mortals. Wishing him all the luck on his holy crusade. I hope he lives up to the great Ku Fu Hu proverb 'With great power comes great responsibility'. However, from personal experience I can only advice him that religion and politics are dirty business, one should never get mixed up in them. Even the mighty fall !!

Spiderman......

2005-06-13T10:36:00.000-07:00

Don't know quite exactly why I am doing this. I am sitting in the middle of the night downloading the Spiderman theme. Nope, not the Spiderman I or II OST's but the good old Spidey TV series theme. Reminds me of the good old days of Door Darshan, the one and only source of all entertainment in the world (or rather our world). Was it the 80's ? Or was it the fact that most of our childhood spanned over that time period that brings on a sense of nostalgia associated with the 80's in our minds ? No idea. 'twas a golden era.

Anyways since I am lost in thought, let me copy-paste the lyrics of the song that I downloaded. Read and relive the good old days.

Spiderman, Spiderman,
Does whatever a spider can
Spins a web, any size,
Catches thieves just like flies
Look Out!
Here comes the Spiderman.

Is he strong?
Listen bud,
He's got radioactive blood.
Can he swing from a thread
Take a look overhead
Hey, there
There goes the Spiderman.

In the chill of night
At the scene of a crime
Like a streak of light
He arrives just in time.

Spiderman, Spiderman
Friendly neighborhood Spiderman
Wealth and fame
He's ignored
Action is his reward.
To him, life is a great big bang up
Whenever there's a hang up
You'll find the Spider man.

More on Johnny Sokko and The Giant Robot sometime later.

The best part of all cartoon hero series, 'The Villains' always lose in the end...;-)

Chelsea, yet again?

2005-06-12T10:05:00.000-07:00

"There are somethings money can't buy, for everything else there is Roman Abramovich".

Roman has decided (yet) again to spend money like water (or rather like oil) this summer. Bad news for Man Utd., Arsenal and the other traditional big boys of EPL. The Red Devils cannot afford to spend too much money right now with Malcolm Glazer breathing down their neck with a takeover bid. As for the Gunners, quite a lot of their funds are tied up to the construction of their new stadium, don't think they too can afford to sign up any big names this summer. Think about it, getting Bergkamp to sign a new contract was hailed as a big event in Highbury...I give up. And, what about Liverpool? Well lets not kid ourselves, 38 matches require a real depth in squad and lot of consistency, a magical run of 6 minutes will not ensure Liverpool lifting an EPL title. In my personal opinion Liverpool's Champions league victory was either one big stroke of good fortune or maybe it was just a cruel painful joke on Owen.

So will Mourinho & Co. successfully defend their EPL title again? Looks like it and there is no reason to doubt the fact that they will. Agreed, spending money alone is not the sole factor in winning a title, as is evident from the dismal performance of the 'Galacticos' of Madrid. But with Mourinho at the helm of affairs, with the backing of a big spending owner Chelsea can buy just the right players for the right positions.

The upcoming EPL season certainly looks bleak for non Chelsea fans. Hope is all they have.

F.A Cup final ...Victory at last!!

2005-05-21T11:03:00.000-07:00

The Gunners finally managed to get their hands on some silverware atleast this season by winning the F.A cup. Offcourse, it is nowhere near the glory and glamour of lifting the EPL crown or bagging any of the big European titles, but a trophy nonetheless. As a die hard Arsenal supporter I would always be happy about anything that the Gunners win but did they really deserve to win this one? Frankly they didn't. Well it was a lousy match to start of with, turning out to be more of a WWF encounter towards the final stages and for most part of this lousy match they were totally outplayed by Manchester United. Man Utd. squandered innumerable number of chances during normal time and subsequently continued this form into extra time too. Well the inevitable followed, the match went into a penalty shoot out , the first time ever in the history of this more than a century old cup competition.

Any shoot out has its share of heroes and villains, the villain this time around was Scholes with Lehmann emerging as the hero for the Gunners. Scholes of all the people, really unfortunate indeed. I might have atleast got some sadistic pleasure had I seen Ruud Van or 'WWF Champ' Rooney miss the penalty. But then again if the great Roberto Baggio , 'The Divine Ponytail' could miss a penalty anybody can or will. If there is one aspect that I hate about soccer it has to be the concept of penalty shoot out to decide the result of the game. The sad part is that the hero is glorified but eventually the tales about his heroics fade away, but the fate of the Villain is really painful, no one ever forgets him during their lifetime.

Looking at the way Arsenal and Man Utd. were playing today one can confidently state that one manager in downtown London would be at ease, feeling more supremely confident than ever about his team's chances of retaining the EPL crown next season.

Priorities

2005-05-18T10:32:00.000-07:00

Its been week since my parents got back from their vacation. It was a much needed break for them and looks like they really enjoyed the trip. When they got back, they wanted to tell me every worthwhile aspect of their vacation, the brilliant himalayan scenery, the trip to the national park, everyday treks in the hills and much more. They wanted me to load up the snaps so that I could appreciate what they were describing. Well, but I was busy in my own world, busy doing my own stuff, promised to load the snaps soon enough. Next day came, next day went and so did the day after that. I was still 'very busy', finding no time for this between phone calls, TV, surfing and a hundred other worthless activities that I do everyday. Well at some point they finally gave up I guess, loaded the snaps themselves. A week has flow by and now finally I am searching for the snaps on the comp, I am still searching..............

Life is not so beautiful

2005-05-15T10:45:00.000-07:00

Had been to the hospital to see a relative of mine who had been admitted there only a few days ago. She is suspected of having cancer. One can only optimistically hope that her condition remains in 'suspected cancer' state and is not eventually confirmed as cancer in the further tests, however the possibility of something like that happening seems to be remote.

When you visit someone who is in a state such as this, the big question is what do you say when you meet them? What do you talk about? To begin the conversation with a typical 'How are you?' would make no sense. Obviously, all is not well, that's why the person has been admitted to the hospital in the first place. Divert attention by talking about something general? That would seem phony and farce, don't know why but I get a feeling that you trying to cheat the person by talking about something inconsequential when there is a more, much more serious situation at hand. Anyways, the problem of how to initiate the conversation was solved, she greeted me and enquired about my work, How I was finding my workplace, How my sister was doing and the usual stuff. In normal circumstances such a conversation would have hogged up sometime, complete with some useless PJ's and stories from my side. But no this conversation was over in less than 5 mins, I seemed to be suffering from a mental block, I really didn't speak much because I felt that such conversation was meaningless in this situation. Thankfully, my dad was there, he did most of the talking while I just sat around in the corner watching TV. To be frank the TV was on and I was just sitting there in front of it, but my mind was elsewhere, lost to be precise.

Females handle these situations better, they really do, I am sure my sis would have know what to say and how to say it, but me, I just sat quietly in the corner. Its not that I am emotionally cold or indifferent but in situations such as these I just don't know how to articulate my thoughts and put it across in an appropriate way. My behavior seems to default to the rule 'I say best, when I say nothing at all' in these situations. Its so much easier when you have to make conversation on an happy occasion, even with an unknown person, but on sad moments such as this, I am tongue tied, trying to maintain a dignified silence, at best. It really does feel miserable.

The Specsy Story

2005-04-27T11:45:00.000-07:00

Four eyes, Soda, Sod etc were some of the ‘benevolent’ words used to refer to a classmate who happened to wear glasses in school or college. Among these oft-used words, the one that really stood out was ‘specsy’. Don’t really know how or from where this word originated but for some reason it sounds sensual. If I ever were addressed as specsy, I wouldn’t take any offense to it. ‘He is the specsy guy’ would sound great. Gives an impression that I am overflowing in the right kind of hormones. So what's with my sudden obsession about specs and stupid thesis about being specsy? Unfortunately the world, bright and clear doesn't appear all that bright and clear anymore. The forces of the Dark side have taken over. The Dark side has ensured that my life henceforth would literally be 'Spec'tacular.

On a peaceful weekend morning when I should have ideally been at home reading 'The Hindu' (would have kept me occupied the entire day) and drinking some strong filter coffee, I ventured to the Ophthalmologist's clinic. There was this boring activity of reading out some A,B,C,D stuff written on a board placed a few meters away. It would have remained a boring activity when suddenly the doc decided to add some variety by covering one of my eyes and asking me to read the obscure lower lines in the board. Well err....I confidently read out whatever little I could see from that distance. Instead of asking me to identify stupid letters had they asked me to identify pics of models at twice or even thrice the distance I would have maxed it for sure (I read/see Bangalore Times everyday, I am upto date in this), it ain't fair you know, this system of testing. I guess my 'brilliant' reading performance wasn't convincing enough and so the doc decided to have a closer look and proceeded to dilate my pupils. After a few rounds of dilation the world all around looked blurred, felt like I was in a trance or something. Then the doc started flashing this bright torch in my eye and took out this giant lens and had a close, really close look at my eyes and pronounced, 'You have power', frankly that made me feel quite powerless. *sigh*. Oh there is silver lining though, I require to have my glasses on only when I am working on the computer or seeing TV. Brilliant, hell the two activities mentioned account for 90% of my 'awake' time.

Wonder what impression my new look, i mean with my glasses and all, would create on people. I think about it (or atleast attempt to) and the more I do it makes me nervous as hell. Here are a few samples of my thought:

Come across as an intellect or a sophisticated type: I wish, I really wish I were. This would be really phony though, more a case of sheep in wolves clothing, or something like that. Could also end up being a serious hazard in professional life. People thinking that I am brainy and stuff and start dumping every complicated damn problem on me. Would be the end of my peaceful existence
Serious type: "He looks like a serious type ya. Must be a boring guy na?" 'Plonk', 'Thud' !! I can literally hear my already lousy market value hit rock bottom.
Funny or comical type: Yup, this would go well with my PJ King image. But on second thoughts I wonder who in the world would ever take me seriously if I convey such an impression.

Damn them all. So many problems, so little time to sort 'em out. People, the Dark Side is taking over, the end is just around the corner.

Singularism – The way of the future

2005-03-20T09:40:00.000-08:00

Date, love, marriage(s), procreation – to name a few; characterize the most routine activities that a majority of the mortals indulge in during their lifetime. Those who abstain from these activities are labeled as ‘losers’. One cannot help but laugh at the ignorant mortals who go around branding the enlightened few as ‘losers’ when they themselves are really the ones living in a false world, a world of complete illusion. The mortals are blissfully unaware of this ‘divine’ truth. The religion of ‘Singularism’ acknowledges this very fact and is zealously committed to the cause of enlightening the ignorant masses and helping them to break free from the low, mean, small world of illusion they exist in.

The founding principle of the religion of ‘Singularism’ is brought out best in the lines - ‘Be single and never ready to mingle’, contained in the opening chapter of the ‘Bold Testament’, the holiest book of the religion. The ‘chosen ones’ do not have any problem adhering to this principle; they were born with this divine nature in them. However, this simple to understand principle is the stumbling block for most mortals. The saddest part is that most mortals do not even understand the importance or the need to embark on the quest to realize the ‘divine’ truth. The few, who do, indulge in ‘bad karma’ and sooner or later flounder and lose their direction on the road to the ‘divine’ truth. The mortals do not realize that the ‘chosen ones’ are infact a ‘superior prototype’ who would soon replace them on the earth. The only hope for the mortals to pre-empt their inventible extermination is to upgrade their lowly self and attain a state that is atleast remotely close to the exalted state of the ‘chosen ones’ who represent the future face of the planet.

The transition from the state of mortal existence to a being, brimming with ‘inner’ peace cannot be achieved without appropriate guidance. Embracing ‘Singularism’ wholeheartedly and heeding to the wise words of the ‘chosen ones’ is the only hope for a mortal seeking to break free from the world of illusion. ‘Violence is the last resort, when all else fails ‘ - the holy book prescribes that every mortal should be given a fair chance to understand the holy tenets of ‘Singularism’ under the guidance of the ‘chosen ones’. The ‘chosen ones’ strictly adhere to this code of conduct and the unspoken truth is that the ‘jihad’ would only be launched when the mortals denounce ‘Singularism’ and continue to march on towards decadence. Though the minor details pertaining to the ‘final solution’ for mortals are yet to be worked out, the future for the mortal who chooses to remain in a state of ignorance is certainly bleak.

The 'Left' World

2005-02-10T10:48:00.000-08:00

While driving through the smaller towns and villages in South India one gets to see in bus stands, on compound walls of schools and other public structures, sketches and posters propagating the communist cause. The sketches are identical – a fiery Marx, an animated Lenin and a sober Stalin. The same three figures each depicted in exactly the same state can be seen in press conferences of naxalities and smaller trade unions. One wonders, whether those claiming to represent the communist cause, who go about glorifying people like Lenin and Stalin even know their history.

Take the case of Stalin. A shrewd thug from the Russian countryside, who never allowed issues such as welfare of people, economics or industrialization unduly perturb him. He spent the majority (if not his complete) reign securing his own position as the undisputed ruler of the Soviet Union by suppressing the freedom of his own lot and the unfortunate populace of entire Eastern Europe. His illustrious achievements include, founding the secret service NKVD-GUV the precursor to the dreaded KGB, setting up the notorious ‘Gulag’ labor camps and for the infamous ‘purges’ in which thousands of innocent Russians were rounded up under the pretext of being involved in anti establishment activities. He even had the impudence to sign a secret pact to carve up Eastern Europe with a person like Hitler, who was openly anti communist, who had ruthlessly hunted down communists and had labeled them as ‘rats of the society’. To use a tyrant like Stalin, as a figurehead to espouse the communist cause must be the biggest joke of all time.

One of the most powerful scenes of the last century was the ‘bringing down’ of Lenin statues in every prominent city of Russia and across Eastern Europe, once the communist regime had toppled. Lenin did lead a successful revolution against an oppressive monarchy but failed to implement the high ideals of Marx, Tolstoy and other ‘left’ thinkers and advocates. The immediate years following the revolution were characterized by a bitter civil war, the end of which was marked by a brutal crackdown on ‘elements’ who were perceived as being Tsar loyalist or pro capitalists. The most shocking act was the disbanding of every party that had fought against the Tsar, apart from the Bolsheviks and rounding up their members. Lenin issued a decree that banned the setting up of worker unions and mercilessly quelled the protest of farmers and workers alike, the very people that the new Soviet state claimed to represent and had fought for. Where is the communist ideal in this? The restoration of the original name of Leningrad, in itself is a very indication of the level of hatred the Russians had for this man and for the cause that he claimed to represent.

The organizations in our country that have communist leanings should really ask themselves - why characters like Lenin and Stalin are being used to endorse the ideals of communism. At this juncture one wonders whether communism itself is a failed concept. Though debatable, no one can conclusively state that communism has failed, for the simple reason that no communist government anywhere in the world ever implemented the true and high ideals of communism. Most of the revolutions fought in the name of the ‘proletariat’ simply forgot about the existence of the very class they fought for. Alas, in the present world the words Communism and Socialism seem synonymous with totalitarian rule and suppression of people power.

Gulliver’s travels - A trip to Bangalore

2005-01-29T09:17:00.000-08:00

Preface
Gulliver’s voyages have lead to him to fascinating places such as Lilliput, Laputa and the likes, strange lands inhabited by strange yet interesting people. In his new adventure Gulliver finds himself in city called Bangalore. In the first chapter (detailed below) he describes his first impressions of Bangalore and how none of his previous adventures had quite prepared him for this unique experience.

Chapter – I

My tour of the war torn city began from an old residential area called Malleswaram. The signs of a prolonged conflict were evident here. The deep trenches on either sides of the road formed the most prominent landscape of this neighborhood. As my tour of the city continued, I noticed that most of the city’s landscape was dotted with WW-I type trenches, yellow metal barricades and mini craters (referred to as potholes by the natives). I was in half a mind to advice my guide, who was driving this funny box shape vehicle, to pin a U.N flag on the vehicle. A U.N flag I hoped would deter any armed militant hiding in one of these trenches from taking a potshot at us.

From the details I managed to elicit from the locals I could form a hazy picture about the conflict and the various militia involved in it. The chief militant organization is the dreaded “Broadband & services” faction. The organization itself is comprised of numerous fanatical rival militant groups, all united by a common cause - that of delivering ‘Broadband’. These outfits especially the bigger ones MTNL, BSNL, Reliance, BESCOM to name a few, specialize in trench warfare and over years of experience have reached the pinnacle of know-how in this domain. No one can be sure of when a ‘blitzkrieg’ would be launched by this militia, and when it does come, the attack is swift and sudden. Trenches crop up overnight, cutting the supply lines and leaving the civilians stranded. A few of these groups, like BESCOM, are not even ideologically committed to the ‘Broadband’ cause, but like digging up trenches nonetheless. Most of the outfits are however fanatically devoted to the cause, one of them even has a motto which claims that it was their Father’s dream to deliver ‘Broadband’ to the masses and they would not stop until they fulfill his desire (Papa Ka Sapna - in one of the numerous native tongues). However, at times the ‘Broadband’ faction does lose ground to the ruling junta and is forced to retreat. The retreat, unlike the attack, is slow and long drawn as the militia attempts to close up the trenches in a shoddy manner to ensure that the government forces cannot take up positions in these trenches nor can there ever be a smooth flow of government or civilian convoy in this area in future.

The government consists of two parties whose political ideologies are disparate, to say the least. The ruling junta has its own strategy for combating the menace of the militia. Apparently, the government operations of defense and consolidation of territory it controls are executed under the code names ‘Underpass’ and ‘Flyover Construction’. The strategy employed is brilliantly simple. It involves digging up entire stretches of arterial roads. Once there is no road, there would not exist any “either sides” of the road for the militia to build their trenches.

It is said that during the early years of WW-II, the British were apprehensive about the possibility of a Nazi invasion and decided to take measures to counter such a situation, if it ever happened. The most prominent step taken was that of purposely (and professionally) changing road signs and directions to confuse the invading army. I am not completely sure about which invading army the authorities of Bangalore are anxious of; in any case the counter measures for such an occurrence is in place and far superior to that devised by the Brits. The complex strategy is centered on radically changing the direction of traffic flow, on a regular basis. Two ways are transformed into one ways, one ways become two ways, One ways from West to East or from North to South turn into One ways from East to West or South to North. These amazing measures leave the locals themselves thoroughly confused; one can only imagine the confusion in the ranks of the invading army. If the invading squadron does manage to figure out the route to take, they cannot advance too far, for they are certain to be caught up in a traffic jam just around the corner. I have heard of the famous statement “All roads lead to Rome” but in Bangalore I learnt a new axiom “All roads lead to traffic jams”.

Much of the chaos in the city could be attributed to the militia and the government. However the one prominent feature that remained completely inexplicable to me, was that of the potholes. Elephants, Rhinos, Hippos and other heavy weight animals taken out for a jog, everyday on the roads from the national park, located in the outskirts of the city could be only the possible reason for formation of some of these mini craters. However I never got a chance to verify this theory.

Circumstances have an influence on every individual in the society. Harsher the condition, greater is the impact on the individual. The day-to-day conditions in the city have had an impact on its residents; it has vastly improved their communication skills. This fact can be ascertained from the ever-increasing list of ‘letters to the editor’ in various journals and the numerous ‘Public Interest Litigations’ filed everyday. A truly civilized and optimistic set of people these, who still believe that, help from the judiciary and an awareness campaign would set things right, sooner or later.

Gods Own Quotes

2005-01-19T09:19:00.000-08:00

A few memorable quotes and jokes from a truly memorable trip to ‘Gods own country’.

~ “There is always a better song”
Could be described as ‘Optimism at its best’. A very mild way of saying ‘When you got nothing, you got nothing to lose’.

~ “The world is your paddy field”
A highly abstract statement, a complete understanding of which requires knowledge well beyond the boundaries of farming.

~ “S.O.S means Save Our Souls”
An example of how Asphalt always likes to start his lectures from the basics.

~ “.-.-.- (dot dash dot dash dot dash)”
S.O.S, in Morse code(courtesy Asphalt). A useful piece of info to know if you happen to be stranded in a telegraph office.

~ “3 puffs in a factory”
S.O.S code again. One wonders what would be left in the canteen of the factory if puffs were wasted on S.O.S signals.

~ “MunnarBhai MBBS”
A person or a group of people travelling to Munnar.

~ “Bom-sandra (Bommasandra) , Sa-lame (Salem), Dharmagiri”
Englishman trying to pronounce the names of ‘bloody Indian’ towns. Eventually ended up creating a hybrid town named Dharmagiri.

~ “Was building my balls for two years”
One shudders to think what else Asphalt was up to in Sweden.

~ “These are not my songs”
Mukesh Bhai vehemently denying the fact that the songs loaded from his computer was the ones he listens to. CEO’s have a public image to maintain you see.

~ “Seal all entrances”
Why leave ‘space’ for discontent? What say Mukesh Bhai? ;-)

~ “NASA mission aborted”
When there is input, there has to be an output. Delivering the payload is serious stuff.

~ “You are no longer fit to be called Drona”
Stung by the criticism, Drona surrendered his arms and took to flowers instead.

~ “Ye….ID card thorsu ….security”
Mukesh and Anil trying to crackdown on gatecrashers in the board meeting.

~ “Maathaji, have you taken your heart tablets?”
A concerned Anil, wondering whether Kokilabehan would survive the interrogation of Mukesh and himself.

~ ‘On happiness….’
~ ‘Mukesh Bhai: A guy likes having pizzas. He gets to eat pizzas everyday. That’s not permanent happiness”
~ ‘Semaphore Chilli’: A guy likes having pizzas. He gets to eat pizzas everyday. That’s permanent happiness”
The only guy who will be happy, without a shadow of doubt, would be the owner of Pizza Hut.

~ “Ferrite coating….”
Asphalt - India’s Child genius, attempting to enlighten the ignorant masses about technology.

~ “Two 1000 rupee jackets flanking a 100 rupee flower show”
Ranting of the owner of one of the Rs. 1000 jackets.

~ “I am not an Englishman. I am not the one with the handy cam”
Englishman taking a dig at Indians. ‘Bloody Indian’s’ cannot afford a cam.

~ The Board Meeting: Results
- Security to be beefed up in order to deter gatecrashers.
- Kokilabehan unanimously declaring that the next board boarding would be held in Kochi.
- Mukesh and Anil stay continue as board members after acquiring an indemnity against

further prosecution. Its their company after all…;-)
- Asphalt thrown out for disgracing the board.
- ‘The unpaid lawyer of the non members’ – Chilli, expelled from the board initially on charges

of flouting the board’s moratorium on theatres/movies and later for a more grievous crime

of attempting a hostile takeover of the board itself.

~ A few unsolved mysteries that would make it to the X-Files:
- The Scorpio Bermuda Triangle mystery – Apparently the hunt is still on for
the Pachki Pachki (or whatever) and the bottle cap.
- The Joggers mystery on coimbatore bypass – Were they really humans??

Alexander - Alexander Who??

2005-01-10T10:09:00.000-08:00

Alexander and his war weary men tread apprehensively through the dense Indian jungle to take on the army of Porus. Suddenly, the ground beneath their feet seems to vibrate, strange noises fill the forest air. Confusion and fear of the unknown can be clearly discerned from the faces of Alexander’s men, the advancing party stops. The noises get louder and closer, all of a sudden an entire unit of war elephants breaks out from the dense foliage rushing headlong into Alexander’s army surrounding them on all sides. The elephants combined with the archers on treetops wreck havoc on the advancing Greeks. The able commanders of Alexander, who were involved in many a war from Egypt to Persia are bewildered and at a total loss as to how to handle the situation. Alexander realizing that his army is on the verge of being routed decides bravely to confront Porus himself. He breaks through the enemy lines and heads straight for the elephant on which Porus is seated. The picturization of this entire sequence of events, beginning with the attack of the elephants, to the point when Alexander confronts Porus, loses his legendary horse “Bucephalus” and is mortally wounded is absolutely stunning. Very rarely in a Hollywood ‘period movie’, does one get to see a battle in which elephants are involved, yet the manner in which this battle scene is depicted would surely brush aside previous images (if any) of the same and set a new benchmark.

Sadly, the entire sequence described above is the only positive, worthwhile aspect of the whole movie. One might argue that the splendor of Babylon and other ancient cities, the battle with Persian Emperor Darius (No, not that Radio City dude) and a few skirmishes with the tribes in Hindu-Kush Mountains are well depicted. However, these do not in any way excel the standards expected from a Hollywood period or epic film.

Good period movies in general could be classified broadly under the following two categories:
a) Ones that state the facts more or less as they happened or are known, with a minor dose of fiction or exaggeration added in to ensure that the movie doesn’t end up being a documentary. These movies project the elements of style, splendor and grandeur of the ancient civilizations with incredible and breathtaking sets, stunning crowd scenes and action sequences. Most period movies of the 50’s and 60’s, such as Cleopatra, Helen of Troy (original), Spartacus etc would belong to this category.
b) The second category would constitute the ones in which the period setting or event only forms a backdrop, while the central idea of the movie would be to bring out the nature of the characters involved. Troy is a perfect example of this. The comparison between the attitude and character of Achilles and Hector is the essence of the movie and not the narration of the entire Trojan War.

Oliver Stone’s Alexander unfortunately does not fit into either of these classifications. For most parts of the movie, the director (and consequently the audience) seems to be lost and almost as clueless as Alexander’s men in the jungles of India. Neither is there a clear depiction of the all conquering Alexander as we know from high school history nor is there is there any attempt to dwell into his character and highlight his positives, such as his Never say die spirit in the face of any challenge or negatives, notably his ambition to conquer the world which blinds him from reality.

The main star cast of the movie constitutes of - the Phone booth hero, Tomb Raider as his mom and Batman as his dad. At the end of the movie you would still walk out with the same image of the three characters who fail to impress and do not come across as Alexander, his mother Olympias and father Phillip of Macedonia respectively. For some strange reason Angelina Jolie speaks with an irritating accent throughout the movie, like a Greek or Russian perhaps trying to speak in English. Agreed, Olympias is not of Macedonian origin and hence the affected accent, to convey the same. Strangely, the same logic doesn’t seem to apply to Alexander’s wife Roxana (or Roxane) who is of Persian origin but speaks with a much more comprehensible accent. The dialogues in the movie are not ‘captivating’ let alone ‘hard hitting’. In the battle with Darius, the pre-battle speech could have highlighted the magnitude of the battle that was to be fought and brought out the leader in Alexander but sadly the dialogues fail to impress and the battle that ensues seems like ‘just another war’. The gory scenes namely, the execution of Alexander’s boyhood friend on charges of conspiracy, the killing of his close confidant after an heated exchange of words and the display of the victuals of a sacrificial cow could have been done away or handled in less ‘bloody’ manner.

The last few sequences in the movie would leave anyone with an average knowledge about Alexander completely puzzled. Surely the director and his team would have done the necessary homework, with regard to obtaining historical facts about Alexander. However, the way the events are pieced together gives an impression that Alexander was beaten by the Indian king and his death was as a result of the injuries he sustained in the battle. The flashback sequence that starts, when Alexander is in his deathbed (and the audience eagerly waiting for his and the movies end) only muddles the movie further and tests the patience of the audience.

The only aspect of Alexander’s personal life that the director decided to dwell on is the one that has generated the most controversy. It is a known fact that ancient Greek warriors had intimate relationships with male companions, so why the controversy? One wonders. The relationship between the great hero Achilles and Patroclus is neatly side stepped in Troy. Ok, so Oliver Stone decided to go ahead and boldly depict Alexander’s relationship with Hephaistion. Sadly this has ended up being the biggest undoing of the movie. If all other facets of Alexander’s life, his conquests and his character had been depicted powerfully enough, surely his preference for males would have hardly stood out or have had such an impact on the audience. Since the movie has failed in most aspects all that a moviegoer would conclude about Alexander would be - “ Alexander was some ancient Greek dude who fought with every other king and spent his non fighting time either drinking strong wine or romancing some guy”.

Surely, the image of Alexander that one has built up either studying history in school or through General knowledge is clearly not the one depicted in the movie. One really wonders if it’s the same Alexander that the movie is talking about.

Swades - Where are the people?

2004-12-28T09:59:00.000-08:00

Swades is a refreshing change from the world of stereotype ‘masala’ movies churned out dime a dozen by the movie industry. One may wonder whether a movie can made without the following elements thrown in:
- An emotional love story
- An item number
- Violent fight sequences
- A duet song in some exotic locale in Europe or Australia
Cant blame anyone if they conclude that a movie devoid of such elements, if indeed such a movie exists would surely be about the life story of Gandhi, Nehru, Bose or some revered figure in Indian history.

For a start, what makes Swades different is that it is devoid of any such supposedly “success formula” elements. Yes, there is a love story in this movie too; the love story however does not represent the central theme of the movie.For a change one also gets to see Shahrukh back in India (atleast for most part of the movie), after completing a string of “onsite” assignments with Karan Johar’s and Yash Chopra’s of the world.

The movie brings out the reality of life in the Indian heartland. The heartland that contains the majority of the population of our country, located well outside the glitter and money of urban India. The agrarian societies that constitute this heartland, along with the legions of masses who still live below the poverty line who inhibit them, whom we conveniently choose to forget about. The only time these people ever make it to the news is when some kind of devastating calamity occurs which demands the attention of the rest of country and the world. Sadly the reality is what we consider as developed India consists only of the major metros and a few other cities nothing more than that. The real India doesn’t have even basic infrastructure let alone malls and multiplexes. This essential reality that most of us try to escape is one of the views that the movie strives to drive home. A point well made by scenes depicting the foreign returned protagonists’ initial frustration at the lack of mobile phone coverage, rudimentary communication lines and the complete astonishment about the fact that no one has heard of such a thing as internet. The image of the boy selling water for a meager amount wakes one up to the stark reality of the everyday life and struggle of these people.

Another aspect that stood out well was the bold view expressed about culture – cited as the Achilles Heel of western society and the ultimate brahma astra that the Indians wield. In any debate concerning the West Vs India, the person who makes a point about our glorious culture seems to have the last word always, settling the issue once and for all. This false sense of pride and the illusion of cultural superiority that blinds us from logic and reality are highlighted in an argument between the protagonist and the village elders.

The subtle undercurrent of patriotism expressed throughout the movie surely deserves praises. It depicts patriotism in the right perspective. There is no Pakistan bashing or pursuit of jihadi terrorists across the globe and no cricket match against our former imperial masters to depict patriotism. The indefatigable determination of the protagonist to improve the quality of life of his lot despite having to sacrifice the quality of his work and life symbolizes a truly worthy patriotic act. Also worth a mention is the fact that the protagonists return to homeland is not meaninglessly dramatized by clichéd dialogues like – “The smell of Indian soil/air was irresistible” or “The acres of sunflower and wheat fields reminded me of home” or some such unrealistic analogy, which would constitute the most baseless of statements to return back to India.

The depiction of the protagonist as a scientist working with NASA was well thought of. This makes his feat of setting up a small time unit for power generation in the village a more believable feat. NASA itself was depicted in a more realistic light, as a place where useful and serious work is carried out unlike the stereotype view projected by most Hollywood movies where NASA centre is just a launch pad for blasting off into space to defend our planet from alien invaders or killer asteroids.

The idealistic teacher, the caring mid-wife, a multifaceted postman, a optimistic cook, a helpful colleague and skeptical village elders - a range of characters with their own views and values blend in well in their allotted roles. Great tunes, again by Rahman (esp. the title track).

So what’s the flip side of the movie? Two songs – the one during the dasheera celebrations and the duet that subsequently follows a little while later could have been completely done away with, somehow they just don’t fit in with the rest of the movie. The role of the ‘over smart’ kid could have been reduced. Oh yes ,how can one forget the parting gift handed over by the school teacher. Wonder what the reaction of a customs/security official in an US airport would have been to such a gift. These were the only obvious shortcomings.

Most of the other criticisms about the movie, pointed out as reasons for its poor showing at the box office are somehow not convincing enough. ‘The total duration of the movie’ – yes, a three hour plus movie is surely long but people have endured such torments very happily in the past, remember the movies released by a certain ‘Rajshri productions’. ‘Movie could have had more story and depth’ – Offcourse it could have, only it would have resulted in a trilogy like Lord of the Rings or maybe a six part story like Star wars if the protagonist were to solve all the problems plaguing our society and if each character was covered ‘in-depth’. The most meaningless of criticisms were the comparisons drawn with Lagaan. If indeed the director had a mindset like Lagaan while making this movie one could have seen John (the boss in NASA) speaking in typical anglo-hindi, probably would have hurled racist abuses each time Shahrukh calls up to extend his vacation and might have had a sister or daughter who probably loves India and Indian tradition.

The movie is not the intellect or ‘pseudo’ intellect kinds, it is more or less a portrayal of reality. I guess none of us wants to accept reality and least of all the fact that a well to do NRI would give up his comforts and luxury to help out the folks in a remote village while we located at much closer proximity would never have bothered.

Looking at the low number of movie goers turning up to watch this movie one wonders 'Where are the people? '

Mission Update - Friday Evening

2004-12-12T07:06:00.000-08:00

The Crew: The brave men of the FYI squadron whose names shall be engraved forever in the annals of history. These include -
Colonel Blade Mama, Major Uncle Sid, Major MVP Das, Lt. Consultant Nande, Lt. Seminar Chetan, Lt. Marriage Manja, Lt. Chandrappa Sudeep, Lt. Solectron Sudhir and Lt. Prez (without any difference)

Part I: The Hunt for “The Nest”

On a busy Friday evening, the FYI units stormed the area of J.P Nagar from all directions. Their mission: To locate the “Shravanthi Nest” and convey personally, best wishes and congratulations to Mr. & Mrs. Siddharth for successfully establishing an operational base at this location. Apart from this honorable primary objective, there was an unspoken secondary objective to the mission too, that of devouring the free wholesome food served to the famished squadron once the base was reached.

Landing with all your units in one thing, getting the job done is another task altogether. It didn’t take much time for the FYI units to wake up to this reality. Akin to the attitude exhibited by the U.S army units in Iraq (in the early days of the conflict), the FYI units landed in the unknown terrain of J.P Nagar with an absolute confidence(overconfidence ??) that the primary objective could be accomplished in no time at all. Some like Lt. Sudhir exhibited what can termed as sheer ‘arrogance’ by not even bothering to carry along the address and route map required to reach the base.

The FYI units that took part in this operation could be classified on the following lines:
a) Two foot soldier units: One unit was a lone force comprising of Lt. Sudhir while the other foot unit constituted of myself and my guide Tank a.k.a. Ananth (close friend and fellow colleague) who had a fairly good idea about the layout and other details of this unfamiliar terrain.
b) Mobile Armored Division: Another solo unit comprising of Lt. Sudeep in his maruthi.
c) The squadron of 4: Comprising of Lt. Manja, Lt. Cheta, Lt. Nande and Major Das. Lt. Manja was the only contact point and spokesperson for this group.
d) The one man army of Colonel Mama ( Note: 1 Mama = 100 soldiers)

With the help of my guide I had nearly zeroed in the on the base when the first cry of distress came from Sudhir who was well err…basically lost. Tank brought him back on track and arranged for a rendezvous point where I could meet him and proceed to base. Unfortunately at this critical juncture a major lapse occurred. The location that we had ascertained as base was “Shravanthi Pride – I” and not “Shravanthi Nest”, which was the desired location. Without realizing this I hastily dispatched of the services of my guide and backtracked to the rendezvous point to meet Sudhir. Well after the meeting, it was now a situation of two lost soldiers instead of one. By this time cries of distress emanated from the “Squadron of 4” too. We were soon floundering in the landscape as clueless as the US Marines at Fallujah.
We had nearly lost all hope and that’s when we saw Sudeep’s armored division. Our joy knew no bounds. We were surely going to be rescued now. This surge of hope stemmed from the assumption that Sudeep would surely know a thing or two about this area (BSK is closer to JP Nagar than Rajajinagar or Malleswaram, this crucial fact formed the basis of our assumption that Sudeep would know more than us) Well our assumption was proved completely baseless as we realized that the armored division itself was floating around aimlessly in the streets terrorizing the inhabitants of this quiet neighborhood by driving in high beam.

By sheer chance of fortune combined with the acumen of Sudhir (more of the former in this case) we stumbled upon the base. Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen we finally made it. Sudhir subsequently guided the “Squadron of 4” to the base.

Part II: At the Base & The arrival of Mama

Uncle Sid initiated a guided tour of the base. Once could notice that he was beaming with pride and rightly so as this was no ordinary feat. Surely a difficult task for the other FYI members to emulate but an inspiration nonetheless. Kudos to uncle !!

What followed was a long session of catching up on stories and recounting of the old heroic tales e.g. playing unreal in training days. Apart from this there was some socializing to be done too the most notable ones being with the WWF star of our training batch “Tatanka” and the other was with Mukund Kamath. Sudeep wishing Mukund “heartily” without having a clue about the context was sight worth watching. Offcourse, the later responded immediately with a bigger blooper, complaining loudly that he never got to see Sudeep and myself in office for quite sometime (??).

We were all set to head for dinner and that’s when Colonel Mama arrived. After completing his conference calls, filling out all excel sheets and approving a whole lot of DART’s, the great man landed up just in time to grace the occasion. Though work was sited as the “official” reason for his late entry there were a number of theories, rumors etc floating around, disputing this. The most popular ones were – “Colonel doesn’t like to been seen in the company of ordinary ‘bloody Indian soldiers’” and “Mama is ‘site’-seeing i.e. looking for a plot to buy on return from his next onsite assignment”. In any case if Mama is planning to construct a house our sincere advice to him would be to buy a plot in the vicinity of “Devanahalli” – would drastically reduce his “land travel time” in India.

Part III: Dinner

BURP !!!!! Well that says it all doesn’t it. :-)
Successfully completely Agenda 2 of the mission the troops happily marched home to enjoy their weekend.

Note from the author:

The following members of the FYI units were missed during the get together –
General GG, Lt. What ra Kalkoti, Lt. I.E Venky and Lt. Mao Tse PP. Hope to catch up with them sometime.

Club	Turnover (in £mn’s)	Wage (in £mn’s)	Wage/Turnover	Debt (in £mn’s)
Manchester United	256.2	121.1	47%	699
Liverpool	159	80	50%	280
Chelsea	213.6	149	68%	701
Arsenal	223	101.3	45%	416
Everton	76	44.5	59%	39
Aston Villa	75.6	50.4	66.6%	73
Fulham	53.7	39.3	73%	197
Tottenham Hotspur	114.8	52.9	46%	65
West Ham United	57	44.2	76%	36
Manchester City	82.3	54.2	66%	147